Regret.

I realize I have been always living in regret. Sometimes you REALLY want to rewind time, because you know that if that didnt happen, everything will be much better. I don't know why no matter how many times I made a mistake, no matter how serious or minor, I just can't learn from them. This really sucks.

Everyday you will meet obstacles of any kind. You will, its just inevitable, plain inevitable. I don't believe in fate, or other bullshit because, rather, I believe in nature. I think you can control your future, you can control what you do, but things that you couldn't control, like other people, other things, etc. are more like nature. Obstacles are everywhere, one after another. Sometimes life makes you very frustrated, but again its just part and parcel of life. Sometimes you really hate life, and sometimes you love life.
Just imagine this, you just lost one day of training yesterday, woke up today and planned to really train. But it rained, to your agony you need to wait like until 5pm (till it dries), and you lost like 2 hours. You can't wait to train, and you did, but like 20 minutes of training you accidentally injure your leg. Then you cant do anything at all. So you just wanted to go train your upperbody, the only thing you can do, but once you reacehd the fitness corner, it fucking rained. What to do? Injured and raining, you can count that as a bad day, but life goes on.

Yep, I got injured, but the situation wasn't that bad, it was very lucky that I finished my upperbody training and then it rained, but still, I'm very disappointed, because its a really stupid injury, and its WAS gonna be a good training as I think tomorrow and all the way till Sunday I will probably be going out with my parents for CNY, and saturday I'm working (lets see hows counter is like). So its full of training sessions wasted. I guess I will spend all those days resting and taking a break, to refresh my mind and body. Whatever, you might say I'm giving excuses, but I find that training through injuries is kinda stupid, although one legged training is always possible. I will give that second thoughts if I still haven't completely recovered after CNY.

How did I injure myself?, you might ask. Just this incident told me that there is a possibility of bailing and anything and everything. This was one of the weirdest bail ever, and one that I never think that will happen. Those cracks on the ground, like 2cm wide? Yeah, those cracks. I train barefooted and ran past those (towards a wall), and my toe got scrapped on it, and it bruised and bleed, now I couldn't walk properly. Wow, its seriously 0.0001% chance of happening come to think of it. How can that stupid small crack possibly make me limb? If only I wore my shoe. Look, the disadvantages of barefoot training and the wonders of unexpected possibilities. This really sucks. So unlucky..

And life is just something very complex. I just wanna state that, dont always get your hopes to high in anything. Our mind always think about the good things, and we will always think about what we want, and we don't care about other possibilities. We only think that we are correct, and its quite hard to prove ourselves wrong, because we have high egos. Those with really really high egos are those fucking perfectionist which I have nothing to say. In life we meet people of all sorts, and we can't control them. Thats why we shouldn't always trust our mind. You will never know. Its time for me to get mature and stop commenting and thinking about other people. Giving those negative thoughts which never change. I should just keep everything to myself, and try to get rid of them. Because really whatever other people say, cannot do anything to you. Same vice versa. Oh well, life is complex, but its good.

Nevermind, life goes on.
I'm just thinking that, after CNY, I should feel fresh and most likely I will "restart" training again. Strength training is ok, I'm quite happy with it, its just that technical stuffs I really need to control myself. Most of the frequent readers of this blog might heard this before, but I seriously don't really care about you. Why are you reading this anyway? Go away! Get lost! Stop reading, you assholes!!!!1!!!12!!1!one!!eleven!!

Yeah, so I'm gonna go back to strict training, most of the stuffs are 70% or 80% of my maximum, everything controlled. More barefoot training (what a contradiction), and more repetitions, and more control. More training alone. Low-impacts as much as possible, no 99% max stuffs, except for maybe wallpasses. I hope to improve my fluidity too, and well as my explosiveness. Just everything must be controlled and no huge/bad impacts.

I really hope to not ask questions but rather find out and experiment with myself and THEN discuss about it. I want to be self-reliant, and train only for me, myself, and I (what a stupid cliche). Yes and what that means is, more training alone, and less distracting by other people, who likes to stare at people who no apparent reason, as if never seen a human before. And hopefully I can move freely without worrying about others at all, of what they think, what they are talking about, because seriously, I could care less. Who cares about what they think, it doesnt fucking matter.

Freedom, which I state, is something that I which to achieve. But I guess it will take till the end of my O's to get it. I want to be free from fears, free from the public, free from laws, being unrestricted and free from everything else. I love training at the night man, where eveyrthing is silent, peaceful, and with the cooling breezes. Seriously its much better concentration and much more freedom. Just wait till my curfew is over and more freedom from my parents.

I should stop giving excuses to not train already. Like I said, 1 hour can be used to learn alot alot of things. Stop wasting my life and time. Lets copy and paste the last post here.
"Have you ever been wondering why you choose to go outside to train when you could choose not, and slack at home playing computer all day long, or maybe going out with your group of friends and watch some movie? How about sleep? How about eat some junkies? How about, hmmm, go LAN with friends? Instead of all the better, happier, fun-ner options, you chose to survive, endure, battle the harsh reality. Instead of the warmth of your bed, you go downstairs and do some pullups. And you don't stop after 2 sets, you continue. And continue, even how tired you are. You push through, you endure the pain, you move on. But you are not forced, all this are done on your own accord. Why? I ask.
Are you the same?
Instead of playing the computer, you work. You sacriface 8 hours of your life enduring the boredom and stress, which could be used to go out with your friend and watch some movie and have fun, to earn money. Instead of easy, small-work, we chose the hardwork. Because we all know, hardwork pays off, no matter how tough, how long, or how boring, in the end, all the blood, sweat and tears will be all worth. We will be rewarded with something, in this case(s), to be better, to be stronger, to earn a living. I really hope people should make their life useful. Or make use of their life.
We should learn not to use excuses to back away from something. Don't you feel guilty? Oh, I wanna play computer, lets not train. Oh, I'm tired, lets sleep. You are wasting your life. Time is crucial. 1hour of your life can be use to earn money, no matter the sum. 1hour of your life can be used to get stronger. Just one fucking hour can be used to learn something, to experience something, to do something, to get better in something. Why are you wasting your time? Why are you wasting your life?
Since I realize all this, I feel guilty even just wasting one hour. I regret not training. So what if its raining? You have to fight the bitterness. Battle the wet conditions. Survive the harsh reality. I know that if I train, I will get better, I will make use of my life, I will understand and experience something new, I will learn things. So I don't know why I'm wasting my life doing something that is stupid and, well, a pure wastage of time. Excuses, excuses, and stupid excuses aren't to be tolerated.
But, of course rest and some fun is very normal and acceptable. You don't expect 24/7 to be out there and train. Just don't make it a daily basis. At least do something in your life. Make use of time. We all know its LIFE to not work, we humans are lazy beings who wants to have everything slacky. We don't like to suffer. But, why waste your life. I'm guilty of using the computer and rest alot. Sometimes I complains or give excuses but now I need to tell myself that I should make use of time as much as possible, train when possible, rest when needed, have some fun when needed, work when you can, survive out there if you have to. Its for your own sake, your own life. "

I really want to learn tricking as much as possible, learn as much of tricks as possible, because its the best way to express yourself. And also handbalancing. And caporeira. Oh well. I have one life, lets learn everything. Anything that I want. I can never stop improving.

Studies still suck. Im really worry of my Chinese. I think no hope already. Ah well, I really need to study hard. As for Amaths, I really hope I can improve and lets see the improvement in the next test. Same goes for my other subjects. My POA is getting better.
I got my injection already, so I'm gonna work at counter soon. Hopefully it will be fun. Lets see whether the job is good anot. Oh well.

I'm pretty sure I'm saving up for the Canon HV20. Cheapest good quality HD Camcorder out there. Need to save up big. Lets see how much I will have at the end of this year.

A long break. Life should be better. Wish me luck.
Happy Chinese New Year.
CP.