Life in new sight.

4th Update: 26/3/08
I didn't go to work today. I don't know whether thats a good thing or a bad thing, because I haven't called the managers even until now, and they never called me either. I think they got se bad impression of me already though. But if they sack me I don't really mind... The pay sucks, work long hours, boring, not much friends and also I make alot of mistakes. I wanna find a better job.. Somewhere. But not anytime soon. I'm not sure whether I should stop working or not.. See first. Damn. Its like super boring to work now.. And I'm going to work on sunday this week, hais. No life.

School nowadays are also super boring, including the people. Like stress.. nowadays I come back always wanna play the comp, but I don't do much either. And Im really tired, I need alot more sleep too. This week will be good week, so I better make use of it. Tomorrow I wanna go somewhere far, somewhere chilling, just for once. Nowadays I'm super tired and bored and quite stressed.. but I need to take a chill pill somewhere. Like I always wanted to. I really need to rest. A break from all this nonsense. I just don't know why, but I feel very tired. Both in terms or rest and in life. Lets stop and restart anew.

I thought through about how am I going to train for strength and movements from now all the way to the end of this year, and I will stick to it good. For strength training like I said I will be going to the gym very often and start learning the new lifts such as high pulls, power cleans, clean and jerks, oly-goodmorning, some upperbody lifts and some other lifts. Then for upperbody I must start some practice for handstands and planche en force, including the straightarms climbups soon. I mean, muscleups are no longer an epitome of strength, its alot of technique, momemtum and timing.. so I'm quite certain quite alot people can do it if they use the proper technique. I will train alot alot on strength, especially my lowerbody. Hepfully I can get like around 1.5x bodyweight by the end of the year, and the next year I will continue to lift alot, probably aiming around 2x bodyweight and hopefully doing the clean and jerk with good form and good weights.

Movements-wise, I guess in order to not kill your joints or what, you must always train somewhere where it is not your 100% or maximum, like around 70-80% of your maximum is a very good point. Thats precisely what I wanna do now, doing precision jumps, wall passes, sautdebras, sdc2p, etc. around 80% of my maximum the most, not further then that. They should be stuffs that I can at least around 98% of the time. Also I wanna progress on my balance, precision, jumping power, training at heights, wallpasses, rolls, speedvaults (lol), of course explosiveness and control, and fluidity overall. Especially my precision because it sucks. I need to get more stronger, and thats my goals. This plus practicing on flips, and stuffs like that.

Now videos, I've been really inspired by isenseven, and I have alot things I wanna film in mind. ALOT of things. I seriously wanna film alot and make more videos now, Damm I must start practicing now. This is my aim, to make a very nice video, my project soon to be planned. But I will finish somewhere next year. It will be my biggest accomplishment ever, if I manage to finish it. But hardwork, time and determination must always be there.

Lets continue chilling and exploring tomorrow.

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UPDATE : 24/3/08
I just watched a parkour documentary. Damn it man, its very powerful. I really can't wait to go to Lisses. And I learnt a couple of things. The 90 minutes of the video was well worth. You guys must watch man, you have to. Lets just state out some things that I've learnt.
Something in Parkour that we always neglected. Parkour is to develop and improve oneselves physically, mentally and spiritually. That is also, to become a better person overall. I can see that in me after 1 year, that I've changed alot in terms of how I think, how I behave, and how I see things, etc. As we better ourselves through days and months, we should learn how about respect and responsibility. How to respect our environment, and the people around you, and yourself, and how to take responsibility for what you have done. You should know the reason why we should respect and take responsibility. I myself admit that I got bad respect and I dont take responsibility sometimes. As a traceur, we should learn how to become a better person overall in life, and to become one, we should learn how to respect and take responsibility.

I just made my video yesterday, and I thought about it. I decided I'd just post the video, because I can't wait. Now I need to solve this lag probelm when using Vegas on this computer, as I'm gonna make more casual videos. Also editing flaws is everywhere, so I'm not so happy with it. Filming and movements was OK for me, just that the editing wasn't so good, it could have been better, but whatever I already made it. I need more practice for my editing though. I was shocked that alot of people commented my video, was very happy. But then I know myself tht the video is not for showing off purposes. Anyway I guess I need to study more on camerawork and editing now, and continuing thinking of my ideas and finding more musics for future work.
Go check my sampler at my youtube page if you haven't.

One more week of rest till gyms start coming. This rest days will be alot on researching on strength training, watching more videos, finding more songs, sometimes even travelling to somewhere alone, then also I wanna go back to soccer for abit because I know I still like that and I can see Ive gotten much stronger and I can kick harder, same for basketball, now I can throw further. I think I should take sometime to revise and practice schoolwork too. I must make use of rest days as much as possible. Also I will take this few days to look at life and find out more things in the different perspective. I wanna learn as much as possible and not waste my time on the comp only. And probably learn practice cycling and skating.

A thing that I wanna mention about excuses. We all know that excuses aren't to be tolerated and we know its a bad thing to do. Some people might not even feel guilty of it though, thats because they are too used to it. Either that of they are just plain lazy or not serious in what they are doing. The reason why I wanna train is because I want to, knowing that I will benefit myself when I train. Knowing that I go out ther and survive and pushed myself no matter how small or little time I spent. People like Zahid like to give stupid excuses, I just dont know why.. either plain lazy and not serious. Ha. It is so easy to say no or walk away or not do anything then to do it.

I know that I need to study more, as I need to really get good grades for now. I know that saying is nothing but doing is everything, so I hope I can really do well for exams, coming in like 6 weeks. I'm not people who just say only, trying to give excuses, but I will mean what I say.

I can't wait to go Lisses. Damn, seriously to live in this world you need money. I still need to buy a bike, skates, then still need to a camcorder with all the good equipments, then I will still need to save up to go to England and stay there for the future, and also I know I will go to Lisses one day, and also things that I will want and need for myself. I need to earn money!!....

bye.

EDIT : 22/3/08
An update after a week.
Alot of things can happen in a week, this week is no exception.

Life hasn't been that great, things hasn't been good for a while, but this is still part and parcel of life. I don't know but nowadays I don't feel right. I'm quite frustrated with things nowadays, and I really feel tired. There are still a few positive things that happen but majority of them are really, saddening.

Please take time to read the post, but you can also choose not to at all.
Wednesday was a really bad day. I don't know why but I have full of moodswings that day, from irritating, to sad, to happy, to angry, to bored, to tired, to stress, to whatever. I also work on that day and I made alot of mistakes, that I really feel so irritated. Man, and thinking about the people in school sometimes are pretty irritating, and managing secondary 3 life isn't that easy as you think. Damn..

Oh yeah and, the day before, I went to Marine Parade hoping to get some good clips. But then again, like I said at the past entry, I was pushing myself too much and I'm going back to my old ways. I found out the reason. It is because I wanna get good clips to be captured on camera for my sampler, so I pushed myself to nail the sdc to underbar. Never I realize what could happen. I hit my head on the edge and it started bleeding, quite alot. Argh, I don't wanna go back to my old ways, its just retarded. To regret things that you done before, over and over again. Why, gosh my self-control is sooo bullshit. I need someone to punch me on the head if I ever do stupid things again.

Thrusday and Friday was filming day as I want to finish my sampler ASAP, for fear that I will spend too much time on filming, and potentially push myself more. I did film alot on that few days, but damn I did still push myself to get clips for my sampler, like the sdc to precision at northpark. I don't know what happen that time. And oh Shinos' ramp is fenced up, so I cant film much at all, which sucks. There are alot of clips that I wanted to film but I didn't due to many reasons, like the weather, time constrains, lack of filmers, and forgetfulness. Oh well, I decided I can deal with the clips that I already have and make the video ASAP. I don't wanna film any more clips for my sampler anymore. I decided I'd get over with this and then after a break I will start filming and making better videos.

Talking about videos, I bet you guys will think that making video is for showing off and stuffs like that. Yeah yeah, as long as I know myself that I'm not showing off or anything, but instead just making a video because I like making videos, and for many reasons like its fun and stuffs like that. Why people take videos so seriously though? As long as the video is 100% not for showing off purposes, like 99% of the Singapore Parkour videos, there is nothing wrong in making a video. For me, a video is also good to note progression, and like you know, I'm very sure to study film in my career next time, so if I practice now wouldn't it be better? Anyway, I could care less about others opinion, if they think its stupid or what, it doesn't fucking matter. I know I'm not showing off, thats good enough. I'm not some guy who seeks attention or likes competition, so who cares.

Also, sadly the video might not really be that good, because of some probelms that I've faced in filming (hard to find filmers that can film the way I want) and also some errors. I wanted to film alot more, but like I said forget it. There is so many other chances to make a better video. What I mean a better video as in the editing and filming, not as in the biggest-coolest-slickest movements, so please don't misinterpret. Thanks Ashton, NC, and Zahid for being my filmers, and of course Mr. Tripod. Hahaha. Also, Vegas is so laggy on this comp, because it sucks, so tomorrow I'm planning to go to friends house to edit, and hopefully finish it by tomorrow so you guys can see it. Again this video is not for recognition purposes.

I'm glad that I'm able to convince some of my friends that life isnt that bad, and life doesn't suck. I managed to woke them up from their dreams. From most of my previous post I stated out alot of things about how important life is and stuffs like that. I hope the realize that they aren't as much as the people in Africa, so they should fucking stop complaining about every small thing. Your life is a gift, those people in Africa who are way lesser-privileged and lead a less-comfortable then we all are actually enjoying their life way more then us. Look at how we take things for granted. Ha.

I decided to take a good week rest from Parkour and training. I will stay impact-free for that week, will of course maintain "good" nutrition and lots of stretching, but no strength/movements trainign for that while. I know it will be hard to stop it even for a week but I know I should, because my body needs it. I can see that I'm pushing myself too much as I feel some pain on my knee tendon so I should listen to my body and rest for the time being. I also wanna stick to a new schedule, which will be 4 strength trainings a week, 1 technical movements training and 2 days of rest after the one week break. I will update next week Sunday, and will then decide about what I want to do. For now, the good one week break will be for me to find out more about myself and Life, to see the world, to research more on strength training, to think about stuffs, to refresh my mind and body, to rest from movements for a while, go out with my friends, see life in a different perspective, and to realize more things. I will update you again this sunday.

Like I said, life is never easy and never fair. You can almost never have everything your way immediately. You need to work for it to get something. This is life, and life is like this. Obstacles comes everyday, as this obstacles we strengthen us mentally. Its really hard to understand life, its a unsolvable mystery. Everything is unpreditable, like the people around you, and what happens in the next minute, and what kind of day will be for tomorrow. Thats the life at its best. And thats why we all love life.

I decided that if I start now and work hard towards something, I will get it. Like for everyone and everything else, nothing is impossible, as long as you have the dedication and patience, success and achievements will come your way. From young I always wanted to go to England. I have made up my mind to stay at England to study film and stay there for life when I get older. I don't like Singapore, and you know why I don't. I have to start earning loads of money to go there. Its my dream, and I believe I can achieve it. And I know that I will still be training and still be making videos when I'm there. I'm sure.

Sometimes we cannot explain things that will happen without you expecting anything. Love is one example. It is something you cannot explain, and things like that are pretty hard to say. Its hard to know someone that you really love and you know that you will not change your mind at all, and also its hard to find someone that you can really trust. Even years, things can go off-hand. This is how ugly and low people could be. The unexpected can happen. You will never know.

I've been finding ways to relieve stress, refresh oneself, and chill out. The best way used to be to bathe and sleep. They do relieve stress quite alot. I find that other better ways is to go out somewhere alone, lay down and look at the clouds and just lose yourself to it, relax yourself and clear your mind, thinking about the positive side of life. Or you watch the sunset at the beach, with someone that you like, or someone that you are very close with. Go out alone or with good friends and explore new places, cycling to places that you don't know. To see more of the world, to realize things you never seen before. Why not? Make use of time, make use of life. It will get rid of your depression really easy. But I still think one of the best ways to get seek happiness and relax oneself, is to do things that you like, and things that you want to do for a long time, like just go out and play (do movements/go out and train), to find your inner-self. This are a few things that I realize, and I really wanna do them more often. Happiness is important in life.

Disappointment, frustrations, stress, anger is also part of life, this week might be a bad week, but I know that there are many others things in life. What we can d know is to see things in a positive light and hope for the best. Next week will be a better week.

This is how fun life can be. So cheer up! Take a chill pill. :)
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Always happens. So many things happen just like that.

As I realize when I grow older and older everyday in this world, nothing in life is fair. I want to live life in equality, where everybody is the same. Nobody can be better then another, everybody is equal. Its sounds impossible, but easier said that done, so it will be even impossible to have it in real life.

I found that the real reason in life is happiness. Like I said so many times before, you can never live a life that is happy happy happy all the time, and I know, because its true. Think about it, can the one you love always love you? Can you get whatever you want just like that? Can you always get good results? Do you always have good luck? Can you have everything your way? Sadly, no. But still, life is all about happiness. If only we can throw away all our worries, have fun all the time, do what we want, have what we want, get rid of stress, enjoy ourselves everyday, etc., no one can even think that life sucks.

But everyone find happiness in different ways. Like everything else, we all have different thoughts, different opinions, different beliefs and everything, so like I said before, nothing in life is fair. We can't always win, we have to give in and give way to others, like it or not. Its very very hard. Its best to accept and respect others opinion as much as yours, and instead of being dense, be open minded.

We all seek happiness, no one can argue that. But before getting happiness, we must first do something, be it in hardwork, effort, patience, etc. Like to get good results, you need to study hard. To get a camcorder that you always wanted, you have to earn money by working. If you wanna be able to do something, you must work on it. You see, there is this cross-effect. To get happiness, you need to spend effort and time, and those are obstacles. Obstacles are what makes us stronger in life. Those obstacles will definitely makes us stress, tired, bored, irritated, sad, and it gives you the feeling like "fuck it, this sucks", or "no hope, lets give up". But if you decided to give up, you just wasted that much amount of hardwork.

If you think you can get whatever you want without obstacles, without hardwork, without patience, you are so wrong. Life is like this, it will purposely make you really wanna give up, really really makes you give up hope, but if you didnt, you will be rewarded. After years and years, this will continually happen. You can never, ever, EVER, run away from it. Its just like this.

The formula is:
Hardwork + Patience + Determination = Success + Happiness.

And that is what I call life.

Also, what I find something in Singapore nowadays is they are very materialistic. As in, SUPER materialistic. Look at the general public of Singapore nowadays, everyone is studying, everyone is working, teenagers being rebellious, adults being so close-minded, see, just sucks. You can never walk out the streets without being worried about how the public thinks. You do your own things, public thinks its nuisance. Even meeting people, all kinds of "standardized" expectations comes in. You have no freedom of rights, no freedom of expression. Do you think life is all about working to earn money, studying to get a good job and knowledge? Do you think life is all about following others, do what everybody is doing now? Singapore is following the trend, not only Singapore but most countries. Shuffling, wearing trendy clothes, whatever shit language. Now everybody looks the same, and they say its cool, but for me, thats retarded. Hell yeah.

Nowadays relationships for teenagers are getting off-hand. Seriously man, whats wrong? I don't know but people think it is a game to have a relationship. So very fun eh? Stead-break, patch back, then break again, find a new stead, break again, and whole thing repeats again. The challenge is to have the most ex-es. Haha, look at the trend, this is no real love amongst teenagers. Look at all the "couples", call each other "laogong/laopo", when they have to go off they will say "love you, sweet dreams, blah blah", all this kind of shit. I bet they dont even mean it the first time they say "I love you", let alone "I will die for you/I will wait for you even if it takes a lifetime". All this sweet talkings are really retarded. I can swear to you only 1 out of 10000s is having a serious relationship. Just ask yourself, does those words really shows how much one cares? Those actions even, really show how much one love? NO, its all in the heart, and it will take years and years to SHOW (not anyhow say) that how much one is willing to wait, to sacriface and to show REAL love. But people nowadays, all go for looks, popularity and money. Do you think a nerd will have a pretty girlfriend? You can answer that yourself. That is the materialistic culture of Singapore. Due to this very reason, and many other reasons, Singapore sucks.

But again, you can choose not to care about all this people. Maybe they are just like that, they are born like that. We cannot change their opinions. They have the right to think what they want. So we should just respect their thinking. To find one that you truely love or one that you regard is a good friend, will strike once in a blue moon. Nothing in life is easy, read the formula on top again.

I've said many times about this too, I know I've changed alot spiritually in this years, and I know people will/might say I'm weird when they finally see the other side of me. But thats because I understand whats life to me and I decided to carve my own path. This is my thinking, something that you guys don't need to agree with, although I hope you would. But then, this is something I cannot force. I find my own ways.

I decided not to go to work today, I guess I wanted to have a break (but I'm only working like twice a week, which is quite stupid to have a break, because other jobs will need you to work a minimum of 4 times a week..) and rest. I don't want to make my life tiring for now because I'm still young and have loads of things to enjoy. When you are young you got time but no money, once you are old you got no time but loads of money. I guess I should make use of the time now and don't worry to much about money. I want to find happiness.

And whatever is, no matter how much I hate life, I will still love life.
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Now lets get back on track.

Last two days wasn't really that good, for me. Suddenly I'm back to my old bad ways. Impactful stuffs, pushing my limits, doing stupid stuffs, hurting myself, killing my knees and making myself regret after a days training. No self-control.

I have to keep repeating the same shit again and again. I guess you know what I'm going to say..

I keep worrying about my health of my knee, and my body. Yet I still do stuffs way above my standards, and do impactful stuffs. I think I should lower my trainings now. Instead of going higher and further everytime, I should stick to what I'm confident and capable of. Stuffs that I can do at least 95% of the time, and probably low impact stuffs. I don't want to push myself because too much repetitions will probably make me more tired and unfocused, so I will be doing things with bad form. I want to do more of the movements with good form and focus.

My SDCs levelled up yesterday, which was something good, something I feel very happy about. I nailed some new SDCs to precisions, some even I can't believe that I actually could do. But I have to stay within the level and continue practicing, and not be complacent, and definitely not push it further. Also, I feel that I can jump further, higher, I can move more faster. Balance is ok ok, I don't know whether I should be happy with them anot, but of course there is alot more to improved on. My fluidity improved too.

Somehow this video might not be what I expected, because of difficulties. Time, and skills, and cameraman. Its hard to get what I want though. Like everything in life. But I still hope the video will be a good video, but if it isn't, there are still many more chances to make a better one. There is no rush, something that I keep saying to myself but yet something that I contradict alot. Oh well.

I like Dim Monk alot, his strength and explosiveness in his movements is something I really like. I should really start doing my weight training at the gym, more squats, deadlifts, probably try to learn more lifts, including upperbody. But I don't want to limit myself to the gym and weights, of course I still wanna do some strength training at pull up bars for the upperbody. I will work on my planche en force quite soon. I never really been training my upperbody nowadays. Oh well, next week Term 2 starts and more serious training will come.

Yesterday after some kind of mind training with Azri, I went to the wall which I did 7 times in less the 30 attempts. This time I got it once out of like nearly 50 attempts. I went home with a sore patella and disappointment. I don't know why am I doing this. Last time I was so happy when I got the wall, and I do each of them focused, alot. Like 2minutes one attempt. Yesterday was like 1minute 2 attempts. Sucks. I don't know what am I doing. I should have stop in the 10th attempt when I know that it might not be my day today. I was shocked though because I did the wallpass that I did 100 attempts on in the first attempt. And I did it a few more times quite easily. And also I did a 2handed wall pass at castle quite easily in the first attempt, and I managed to kinda pop up the lower wall too. Maybe I was tired too. Oh well.

I need to use the mindset "How about another day, there is still tomorrow, no rush" instead of "Dont give up, you can do it, you did it before, you must do it again". I don't want to end up screwing up my joints and body at the age of 30. I hope to think sensibly and have more self-control in what I do. I'm already progressing SOOO fast, the more I shouldn't rush. I should do more strength training so that I can handle the impacts. I'll do more research too, in strength training, weightlifting, flexibility, joints, plyometrics and jumps in nature. I don't want to regret again.

And I should stop comparing. Everybody progress at different paces. And doesn't mean they can and they did it, I should follow, and vice versa.

Homeworks are stress and there are still so many homework left to do. Studies are also another priority as I want to get into a good school and good job and good future and good life. Although studies and work is not everything, I should still lead a good career. Life is like that. I need to put in extra effort now, because I believe in what I need. If I can, I can, the formula is never wrong.

Oh well, more strength training, less impacts, lower training level, do not push my limits even further for now, keep practicing my movements, do don't stupid things, focus on form for each movements, use the "another day" mindset in stuffs, don't rush, film my sampler, don't push myself, stay around 85% and lesser of my maximum of training, low-impact, don't overdo my training, don't kill my joints, listen to my body, stay at a comfortable level with my movements, learning new lifts, work on my planche en force, progress at a steady and safe rate, stop doing things off my capabilities and more then 90% of maximum, train safe, stop doing impactful stuffs, eat more, know how to prioritize, don't waste time, be sensible, be more self-controlled, stop comparing, focus on studies in school, do research, watch more movies and videos, respect others.

done.