Mind Training. (update)

Another UPDATE 11/3
Hmmm.

As much as I hate life, I will love life too. Thats because like I said so many times already, life is full of obstacles, one after another, and you can't run away from them. Sometimes this kind of things are meant to happen, sometimes you just can't change them. This is not fate, rather its nature. I hate the word fate used in whatever manner, so I don't believe in them. All this obstacle will make you pissed off like hell, so much that you really feel like giving up/quitting/end it all, but again and again you know all this is just part of life, and you will know that all this will pay off, you just need to give it time, which could be one day to a couple of years.

Sometimes you WILL face people you don't like, ranging from strangers to classmates to even close family members. I had a tiff yesterday with my father, and it was then finally I said all that I wanted to say to him. He probably won't care because I figured he is too thick skinned. He thinks that he is so good/clever and he is a know-it-all. He give stupid reasons and then when he do things that contradicts it, he used fucked up excuses, which is retarded. And then he always think he is right, in the brain he thinks he is never wrong. He is being such a retarded show off since last time, something I really hate about him. I hate him and I don't care if he is my father or whoever else, because it doesn't matter. I hate him since young for the same reason. He keeps blaming people too, when he is in the wrong, but to him he is never wrong, he never makes mistake. Haha, people like this are really retarded. It will suck to have a parent like this.

He keep saying the stuffs I do is simple and everyone can do it. Haha, the tiff ended up with a bet. Which is, if he can actually make a video that I made for fun, at least same standard as me, in one week. LOL, he will take one week to even know how to play with the program. But who cares, since he is so smart-ass he said that everyone can do it, I will see. I don't even think he knows how to spell clone! He don't even know the basic function even after one week reading the manual, thats because he English sucks! Now which subject is more important! HAHA. Guess what is the prize of the bet? If I win, I don't have to listen to him at all. If I lose (which is not going to happen LOL!!!), I have to listen to him. I don't want to be overconfident but in this case I can't help it, LOL he thinks he can even do it, HAHA in your face sucker. Consequences of being a stupid show off. And if he wants to try to say stupid stuffs, I will use this to really backup man. Since he said himself that I can don't listen to him, I can DONT LISTEN TO HIM AT ALL. If he try to say stupid stuffs again, I will use this too again as a backup. This is epic ownage.

I really don't want to talk about that topic anymore. This will definitely make me hate him more, and I will never respect him ever again. Since he want to talk big and everything, and all the other stupid stuffs he did/said, I really can't be bothered. I will severe ties, and I won't give a shit. I will only do what is right, what I know myself to be right, I don't need such a retarded parent to instruct me to do so. No way in hell. I listen to the right things, and I fight for my rights, and I will live by this. If he ever thinks he is right but I don't think so, I won't care at all to disobey. Why not, I do what I want, why must I follow you? Follow your wrong and stupid shits? No way in hell. I don't even need your permission to do stuffs anymore, because since you want act big and everything, I can bloody heck care. Who cares about one guy who only knows how to blame others, think about himself, act big, smoke, watch porn everyday, talk big, gamble in soccer matches, scold people, show off, act smart, talk without a reason, think that he is so clever and never wrong in everything. Fucker. No way in hell am I ever need to care about your "opinions" ever again, as this time your limits are pushed too far. And I'm serious.

I know what I want to do, what I can do, what I will do, what I like to do, and what is right for me. I don't need a retarded people to care about this, so please fuck off. You are worthless shit.

Raining, raining, raining. Sucks, but it cannot be helped. I don't know but I guess I will only film my sampler around Bishan and Tampines, and of course some other random spots, but those two areas will be the "spotlight" of my sampler. Its time to plan what I want to film, but I won't post it here, I just want to keep it secret. Other spots might include Pasir Ris, Simei, Marine Parade, and maybe jelapang. Of course if I can go to other places I will film there too. I will finish my sampler before March ends, hopefully, so its time to film and film and film!

This March Holidays is going to finish very soon, my homework still pretty much untouched and also I have work and work.. but today I went gym. I don't know whether my deadlifts is good but I better play safe now, keep the weights low like 10kg max for deadlifts. Squats are ok but I still don't want to increase the weights yet, because I got a feeling that 30kg is quite heavy already. I dont want to push my limits too far too soon, and I will regret once again.

Also, I've been taking the opportunity working at the gym last few days to train abit on my tricking. They didn't really improve but I have alot of work to do. I know it is VERY HARD to learn new tricks, and I will require lots of practice, patience, effort and determination to get them, like everything else. I will purely focus on my kick the moon and my backflip for the moment. I have alot of time in the world, so I should take my time and not rush, because if injuries and the such comes, it will be even worst. No rush for now.

I have been eating alot nowadays, but hardly thinking about what kind of food is it. I choose chicken wings which is full of meats, and neglected the oils and fats and skins on it. It might be quite bad but for me I think for now I should eat more, and of course exercise more, and then I can grow. Or not it will be a waste. Of course I have to eat healthy but I don't really but that as priority for now because it will be a bad probelm. Of course I do not want to over do it.

I decided that I should start earning even more money because a mere $2000 wouldn't be enough. What I plan to buy is a camcorder (HV20) which will cost about 1.6k (but I really cannot confirm this, the price varies), and fish eye lenses, external mic, steadicam (own-built) and other camcorder accessory (when I decided what I want to buy), then I also want to get skates and a bike. Total would be about 2.5k already. I might consider buying a tablet pc, and also maybe around 20gb hard drive. But that would be until I go to poly. Also I want to have around another 1k of savings so that I can use it to buy those small stuffs when I want to. So I'm aiming like 4k, but it will take very long to get there. Now I think I only have about 400 bucks in my savings account. I might want to quit Macdonalds this June and get a much better job and I will be working longer hours and more days. I hope to get that much by the end of this year, but I really don't think so. The fact that I still need to study, people will tell me "dream on!"

I would like to bring up another topic, relating to mindtraining.
I thought that if I ask myself this question - Am I anything to others?
I actually don't think I am. I think I'm a little bit like a eyesore or pain in the ass to some people too. I guess I should be more helpful and have more friends now. So that if I die at least I can be remembered. I definitely want to be self-reliant (another reason why I want to earn so much), but also be something to others. I don't want to die and no one really cares. Not saying that I should care about others, but I have to differentiate what kind of people I should care about. Those people will say things that is good to me, and helpful to me. But I should know which one. I need to tell myself that now I stop being so irritating to others, make more friends, instead of insulting them, I should talk and help them more.

Studies are getting harder I can feel. I think if I want to prove to myself that I am capable to do what I want to do, this will be a chance. I don't know why but now I really have no hope in my Chinese, not saying I want to give up, but instead I will work smart and study even harder in the important subjects like Maths, Physics, POA, Humanities so that I will pull me up even more. Also I now know that courses won't count CCA points. I made the right choice. It is probably CCA Points will minus 2 points in your cut off so you can go to that Polytechnic, not to the course though. Even that I'm not sure. If I want to go to the school I want, I better study even harder, mug more, and know how to prioritize and balance my timing/schedule.

Whatever is, film and movements is my passion, and nothing can stop me from it.
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UPDATE 9/3.
Wow, life is really tiring. Like always life is full of obstacles, you just can't run away from them. I just finish working three days straight, and the job is quite shag, yet good pay, good thing, way better then macdonald. But I have to go work at macdonald wednesday and saturday, which really sucks. I hate working at macdonald really, sucks man, how I wish I can work a better job. Once I reach two thousand bucks (my goal, maybe end of this year HOPEFULLY), thats it, game set. I'll stop working until Poly life, where I can get a much better job, and I can probably get the two thousand like 4x faster then macdonald.

But still sometimes you just cannot bring your hopes too high. And even sometimes everything can go haywire. You cannot control what will happen. Still you have to persevere and overcome life obstacles again and again and finally whatever you want will come to you. Only lazy people stay there do nothing and expect it to come to them, in your dreams assholes.

Yep, march holidays already. I don't think it is even a March holiday, due to the no. of homeworks and working days. I better make full use of the free days, which is only 4 days. 7 days till school reopens, seems like so soon I bet. Oh yeah I wanna go to places to film my sampler, but I dont know where. Planning to go to Jurong tomorrow, Bukit Panjang/Jelapang area on Tuesday, Bishan on Thrusday, Sengkang on Friday I think. Wednesday is probably a rest day, same for saturday, and the last day for chionging homework. Speaking of homework, probably I will be using the time in the MRT and Buses to finish them. It is called killing or making use of time.

I also wanna go to Tampines, Simei, Pasir Ris and probably one day to go to Marine Parade to film more on my sampler. I can't wait to see the finished product of the video. I hope its good. Since last year I've been thinking of making it, and there is so many reasons why I wanna make this video. Like, making a video which is my hobby, testing my video editing skills, recieve comments and criticisms from experienced traceurs, a benchmark to see how much I progress after one year, and also something to prove to my friends in my school that I'm not any regular Parkour boy that does stupid things or any stupid video making poser. Many people might think that this video is for showing off purposes but I really don't think so, because making video is my passion, which maybe alot of people won't understand. I got so many things to film in mind, I really must start making a list, and I hope the person who is filming for me can help me, and I know its gonna be hard.

Quite sad the people nowadays, are really retarded. As this point is repeated again and again for so many times I don't really see the use of saying it again. The world really needs help, looks like everyone now its hopeless. Most I can do is to not care about whatever shit they say, anyway I also can't be bothered. Seriously, man, I got nothing to say already. Even how much I say, they don't bother, then I can't do anything, actually more like don't wanna do anything. All this complacent, high ego, act smart, stubborn, or just retarded people, haha. Don't feeling like helping anymore.

Film (video editing, filmmaking, camerawork, etc.) and movements (parkour, tricking, etc.) is my passion. No one can stop me from it.

Expect more videos.

One thing I find about myself is that I want alot of tricks in such a fast time. I'm want to nail so many tricks. Aerial, backhandspring, moonkick, cartwheel to frontflip, sideflip, roundoff to backflip, and also better my backflip. I can't believe that I thought that I can actually nail them easily, but obviously they will take alot alot of hardwork and patience to nail them. But still I have so much time, I can slowly train for them. I guess I should find one trick, or maybe two, and focus and concentrate on it, thats all. I should start tricking more too though.

Good thing my sister lent me her Ipod. Now there is so many good songs that I really like listening, and they are underground and good for videos. Listen to mp3 in bus, walking to school, on laptop, laying down, doing homework, is such a stress reliever. And I think I should start studying film, through the net and watching my movies for now. And of course making more videos and reading more articles. The more you do, the better you are.

Rain. Sucks. They are back, and I don't know why holidays are rainy seasons. They are so irritating, but I really hope they don't rain when I go to far places. It always rain when I go Bishan though, which sucks dammit. I need to find a cameramen to go with me too, which is pretty difficult, shit. All my videos are moving, as not on a tripod or on the same spot, but moving. I think I should make a list of videos that I wanna make too, so many! Including some big ones. I also make videos where I'm not in the video but just the cameramen and video editor. More videos! How I love film!

I really have to thank the people I met, those good souls, which are pretty rare. I should really appreciate them and also pay back. Since they helped me so much when I needed help, I should do the same instead of being selfish. And also put myself in their shoes, think about how they feel before doing something. But then again, its just too hard to have things your way.

Money nowadays seems like an issue. To live a good life you need money. Without money you can't survive. To get better you need to eat, which those food requires money. Transport need money, to study film you need money, to travel overseas you need money, to even use handphone, a laptop, and even bathing you need money. Buying your camcorder, olympic weightlifting set, better house, all need money. What you can't buy with money is love, training, knowledge, hardwork, passion, friends, happiness, time, etc. Oh well, earn more money.

I can't wait to finish my March sampler. Its one year already, so fast. And really expect more videos of different kinds. Till then I have alot of trainings to do. And satisfying my passion everyday. I need to grab a snack, bye.
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I like to say some stuffs before I start the mind training.
The purpose of mindtraining is to develop my mind. Parkour is not only developing the body physically, but also mentally and spiritually. I will be doing this whenever I want to and when I have time, as I realize not everyday I could use the computer. For each mind training I will ask myself a few random questions, which will require you to think alot, and write alot. They are not one liner answers. The most important thing about this is that you really think and reflect upon, and write down your true thoughts and feelings.

The questions are gonna be (and should be) really thought-provoking, mind boggling, brain-teasing. Philosophical questions. They could be relating to Parkour, or me, or life, and anything else which I might find interesteing. One thing about this is that I find that everyone should do this, no matter who they are, what they do. Questions are part of life. And to question life is to find out about life. What is life without a purpose, without a reason? Nothing, and that is really stupid.

BTW, what I say here is IN MY OPINION, and everyone have different opinions. If you have anything about my points to argue about, just state it out, I'm more then happy to hear your thoughts.

Lets start the first mind training.
QUESTION 1: What is life to you?
Just a really typical question I'm gonna tell myself in mindtrainings. Hope you guys who are reading can also ask yourself the same and try to answer.
Anyway, for me life is the sole purpose of living. I'm happy to be given a life in Earth, thanks to my parents. Everybody in this world is given a life, and that is actually the best gift you could ever get, but people doesn't appreciate it. Look at the world now, they are mistreating their biggest gift that has been given to them, which is their life. They want to mistreat their bodies with drugs, alcohol, cigarettes. Suicides, wrist cutting, emo poems. Whats with them? I just don't get it. They don't cherish their life at all, and when life is so important, so good a gift, something that we can do many things with, and also we only live a life once, totaling up to 70+ years.

However though life may be, with a change of perspective and a positive approach, things can be different. It is JUST LIFE that you will face all kind of different obstacles everyday. There can never be life that is happy happy happy all the time. There will be ALOT OF times will things starts to get irritating, you start getting angry, everythings is not what you expected, and nothing goes your way. Its obstacles, something inevitable, no matter what. But we should do something about instead of the typical method of sitting down there and whine and complain and cry about it. It is easier to complain then to fix a probelm. There is no easy way out in life. This is what life supposed to be, you face obstacles everyday, everytime, without fail.

Definitely there will be times that you will be happy, feel happy, and finally you think that all the hardwork and perseverance paid off. That is your prize, as you, instead being a fucking sloth just being lazy and complaining your ass out, decided to solve the puzzle no matter hard it is. Cherish that time as much, the precious times that you cannot forget, and they are called memories.

I watched a movie in school today, although many people might not think that it is anything good, but for me it is damn meaningful. "Dream BIG, take RISKS!", I'm sure with belief, patience, and hardwork, you can do anything you want, like Mr Clarke said. No matter how unachievable you think it is, but with the power of belief, nothing is unachievable. This is applicable in every aspect of life, and anything. We all should learn that.

QUESTION 2: What if you have 10 days left on Earth?
It shocking to know that you have just 10 days to live life, example if you get cancer, and you know you are gonna die so soon. Although it is impossible to live forever, life is something that you must cherish so much. People fail to understand why should they do so, and they will only know why when they have 10 more days in life. Thats why I keep reiterating about how important life is, and why should we always cherish it.

For the question, definitely in the ten days I will do the things that I really want, and hopefully achieve every goals and fulfill every desire, for the last time. I will go to school for the last time, see my friends and tell them how much I love them and how much I appreciate them to be in my life, all the good things that people had done to me. Then I will train for the last time, do everything that I always wanted to get. It will be quite saddening to know that I have 10 more days to live, but since it is done, we should just live through, for the last time. I will go to Lisses (and many other countries) and train there for the (first and) last time. Since that it is a wish that I really want, I'm sure my parents wouldn't mind much to give me the money needed to go there, as it will be just once and for the last time. I want to die happy, or to know that my life is not wasted.

As we only live once, I guess it is the best to experience everything at least once, so that you know about it, you won't die in regret. Release every bad thoughts, look at the world, experience everything that I want just one last time, before I see the final sunset in my life, so that at least most of my desires are fulfilled (for the last time), and I die without regret.

Just writing and thinking about this, I feel very sad, and I realize I should cherish life more and more, and instead of living in regret, I should take the risks so that I can at least achieve something. We should be setting goals everyday, and pat yourself in the back if we achieve them. Small goals is good enough. It also reminds me about how we shouldn't waste time.

QUESTION 3: What is your purpose of life?
Like I said earlier, life without a purpose or reason is like living nothing. Even doing things without a reason is dumb. Although there is so many things better to think about, we should question ourselves at least once in a while about eveyrday stuffs, like why do you go out with this friend, how come you always goes out with them, why do you go to school (don't tell me one liner answers), and every small things.

My purpose of life, is to live life. I live to live life. And I want my life to be meaningful. Since we live just once, my purpose of life is to live through it. Every pitstops, obstacles, hardships, sorrows and happiness, joys and achievements, all kinds of ups and downs are part of living life, they can be irritating and retarded, but I know that it is just part of life, so I just live through it. And also, again, since we live just once, I wanna experience everything at least once so that you know what does it feels like.

Some people likes to live things unknown. Sometimes if don't why they do this, why they love this someone, they just don't bother asking themselves and leave it unknown. Maybe they like leaving this unknown, as it is "cool" to leave it unknown. But for me I think that something without a reason, it has no meaning. Even that they don't know why that like that person, they will just say things like "I just like her, I don't know how to explain.". Thats ok, maybe it is just to hard to put it into words.
"With no philosophy and purpose, action have no meaning." - Seb Foucan.

QUESTION 4: What do you aim to achieve in life? (LIFELONG-term goals)
Thinking about the future, and your life in overall. Being a person, we all wanna achieve something, no matter how small or big a hurdle it is. We want to set goals and hopefully achieving it. Goals are good, but they should be SMART goals that YOU KNOW WHY you want to get it, and you know that you CAN achieve it, and you WANT to achieve NO MATTER WHAT. And also, without goals, you wouldn't know where you are going. Goals are actually very important.

I guess like I said before, I want to lead a good, meaningful life. Also, I love videography and I want to be a filmmaker, cameramen and video editor. There are many goals, but the main aim is to lead a meaningful life. I should elaborate more on the other secondary goals. I also want to make videos, and I would love to become an artist of movements, do things with only the possibilities of a human body. I want to become a strong human. Understand life, be helpful to others and treat others in equality with myself.

I want to make a video, a really good one. This march sampler would be my first test of my video editing and filming skills. I would take it as a big stepping stone for me, because I plan to make bigger, better, professional videos in the future, including one mini-movie, and a parkour documentary. I going to practice alot by making more mini videos, and also read up and watch more videos to learn camerawork. When I grow up, I would love to be a independant filmmaker.

Parkour, tricking, self-defense, survivalism, rock-climbing, etc., it is the movements within the possibilities of the human body. Using this to help me understand the human body more and treat my body how it was meant to be treated. By this too, I would need and also I want to be a strong human, in terms of bodyweight, self-defense and weights. I might want to take up olympic weightlifting and also some basic self-defense. Although I think Parkour and tricking is the main things that I will want to concentrate on.

I want to make my life useful and also meaningful, so I guess I should help more people that needs help, because it doesn't hurt to help, and it doesn't take much effort either, but nevertheless it could meant alot to them. I can see that alot of people had gave me alot of their care and concern, which is really nice of them, so I should spread it too, to be equal. I hope to treat others and myself with equality.

I can say that I understand life more because of all the hardships that I've gone through before, which probably only some of the people I know had gone through before. Many people could say they are quite a happy go lucky person, but in fact they might not. They just don't get in trouble much so they don't really see the other side of life. I myself have gone through all this shit and I know hows it feels like. I can see that everyone is different, they think different, they have different interests and opinion, but everyone have something in common - they all have feelings. Thats why I wish to treat people in equality now, to be fair, although nothing in life is fair.

A filmmaker, cameraman, video editor, artist of movements, and a meaningful and useful life.
They are my life and thats my lifelong goals. (There are still some other goals, but this are the main ones.)

Thats all for mind training, those readers who have read, please tag or comments, I really wanna know you opinions thank you.
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Today I went to the gym and work out. I thought my deadlifts was a bit better, but in fact they aren't. I better stop lifting heavy and increasing the weight, instead I better read up more on deadlifts and cocncentrate more on the form rather then the weight and strength. Im still young and if I keep doing it with bad, it is hell bad for my lowerback and other joints. My squats is already there so in the meantime I will use that to develop my posterior, but I shouldn't be too complacent with it as well, I should still keep the weights low and concentrate on the form.

I just need to control myself, and I have self control, so I have to control myself. I should stop doing things out of my limits, and as usual not do STUPID things. You only live once, so you should live life properly.

Tomorrow is the last day of school, and I really can't wait to finish my sampler. I have veyr high hopes for it, but I know that I shouldn't get it too high, because you will never know what life brings, and everything might not go as thought, which really sucks. But then again, its life. I just really hope the video outcome is good. And I know whatever is, hardwork will pay off. I hope to go many far places during the holidays, and I'm filming the rest of it at Tampines and Simei and Pasir Ris on school days. I got so many things that I wanna film in mind, but because of the lack of a cameraman and again the weather, or who knows what else, its gonna be hard to stick to it. I'm gonna make a list of things that I want to film, because I'm scared I have to many and I will forget! Like I said it will be a huge stepping stone, so I hope this will be a good one.

Like I said before, I want to practice tricking more, as my tricking really sucks, and I have so many more things to work on. I will talk about more on that in the next post.

Hey, its already one year of training. So much of change. I really wonder if next year what would I become. Hmmm... lets wait and see.