Loss of Motivation.

Sorry for not updating this blog for a long time.
Wait.
Why am I saying sorry? No one reads this blog anyway.

Hmmm, during the past few days, I really lost my motivation. I can't believe it. After the Vietnam Trip (which was a excellent one), I wanted to train as its a Friday, and I always train movements on Friday. So I went out.. trained alittle bit, I felt that I really gotten weaker, I don't have the ability to propel my body upwards unlike last time, and my body felt very weak too, but I'm fully fresh after the number of stagnant days. It felt like a chore to do a muscleup. I have to use sooo much force to land a jump which I can actually quite easily do in the past. Then I find that I don't have the drive to move, half of the time I'm slacking. I'm not focused at all, I just tried to do some movement, and felt like I've became so much heavier. It's like I loss all my ability already. The feeling is similar to like, after spending so much time on a video game and only to know that you have been hacked, or like spending a week time of hardwork on your school project only to realize last minute all your data is lost. Thats the feeling, seriously. I felt like 'Fuck lah, asshole, bastard, motherfucking son of a female dog eat shit cunt cocksucker prick dumbass fat bitch, YOUR MUM!". Feel like pulling out all my hair.

Well, not really.

I can't find any reason except two reasons. Its either, the long break has made me tired, I loss all my power. Or, because I'm training with Zahid that day, he's stealing all my power, and distracting me. Because he also went to the Vietnam trip and wasn't complaining at all, then I'm left with one reason.

I bet he will go angry and scold the fuck out of me if he reads this.

And also, to be very honest, I felt twice as sleepy, twice as lazy. I don't have the motivation to go to gym for strength training anymore. I lose interest in lifting, somehow. I rather do movements and more or less likely to destroy my joints and everything. I used to happily go to the gym with the excitement to squat up at 70kg, do weighted pullups, try out new lifts and everything. I don't need to force myself to go to the gym like today. But I figured I really need to go to the gym, as I still need to strengthen myself, to achieve my goals (including the 2x bodyweight squat), and of course to aid my movements. Shit man, WHY!!!!
And today's gym session felt very boring and to even squat 50kg was very tiring, wtf man. I don't have the satisfaction unlike past sessions too. WHY!!!!

And, I seriously can't stop myself to do big stuffs during movements training. I should really limit myself to like less then 2hours for movements training, as it might cause tendon overuse, and believe it or not, I always have the feeling of pain on my knee tendon every Friday night (after gym..). I rest for a long time already in the past, but the thing is it still happens. Right now its fine, when I'm not training I don't feel pain at all. It is only after training the pains come. Thats sooo irritating.
Another thing about me is I always aim to go for bigger things, rather then "perfect" my basic and easier thing that I can do. And my fluidity suddenly worsen. Rolls and climbups still need work on. Speed within movements are still weak. Every jump, landing, impact are very loud and not very controlled. Keep going for big, big stuffs. Can't stick to schedule. Movements feels very forced sometimes, not smooth. I need to get my own style back. Explosiveness and fluidity. All the stuffs mentioned above, are the stuffs that I will needa work on in my future trainings, rather then going big and killing myself. Flips on the other hand, needs more practice and slowly getting it back on form. Aerial and backflips... come back!!

I really need to train seriously in the future. (how many times did I say this already? 100 times?)

And I keep feeling sick, its like on and off. Which kinda affected my strength training today. Fuck it man. Fuck it. Just fuck it. Fuck it, fuck it, just fuck it, fuck it. (not beat it, but fuck it)

And videos. I suddenly feel alot more drive in making videos, so really expect lotsa videos to pop up in my profile, soon. Oh there is a new little progression video in my youtube profile. Its pretty boring. I think I wanna delete it as soon as I'm done with my latest video. It'll be good. (also the reason why I am doing bigger stuffs in probably for the camera. damn it.)

Oh and Zahid, I'm just kidding about the fourth paragraph.

Now there is a new post in this blog, happy?
I'm just bored, hence the number of vulgarities and randomness and stuffs-that-doesn't-make-sense-to-any-human-being.