Back to my same old days.

So utterly disappointed.

What you are probably gonna read is something you read before a thousand times already, almost like reading the same thing over and over again, so what I'm suggesting now is to skip this post and go sleep or something, because its totally not worth of your time. I'm serious. You are reading what you ALREADY read. So stop wasting your time. Time is precious. Time is money. Time is irreplaceable. Really. Go to surf other websites man, this is not something you will be interested of reading. Anyway even if you continue read, its not going to make you any smarter or what as you already know the words I'm gonna say.

Not gone yet? You really wanna waste your time? You got so much time of your life so you want to spend a couple of precious minutes reading a written piece of crap you already read, not once, not twice, but some many times already? You are really persistent to continue reading on? Really really want to read something you already read already? Something like this -

Not gone yet? You really wanna waste your time? You got so much time of your life so you want to spend a couple of precious minutes reading a written piece of crap you already read, not once, not twice, but some many times already? You are really persistent to continue reading on? Really really want to read something you already read already?

See what I mean? Really man, you already wasted at least 1 minute reading the shits above. You still wanna waste your time, the time that can be used for a much better alternative, such as training, doing something more productive, reading something more interesting, watching a couple of entertaining video, you name it, on reading this already read-ed shit?

Damn, you are really stubborn. This is your last warning. Stop wasting the seconds of your life, reading this line now. No really. You are soo stubborn. Despite all this warnings, you still decided to read on, and waste the extra minutes of your life, so after reading the things I'm gonna write below, I hope you don't go "why didn't I go off earlier, I wasted 10 minutes of my life," or something on the lines of that.

This is your final chance.
To get lost.










Oh my god, just get lost will you?

Nevermind, since you want to waste your time, I shall help you.
Today, on 27/06/08, Friday, 21st century, around 18.30 to 19.05, I did some really stupid things.

End of story.







Now get lost.





Damn, get lost lah. Please. I'm helping you to save time. Really. Do you think I'm lying? Stop making me write so many lines to just make you get out of my sight (or blog) man. I'm also tired, and I got a life. So stop wasting my time on telling you not to waste your time. Ok?
Please. Thanks.



Bye.




Fine, I should not give a damn about you anymore. Lets get back on topic.
Ok, let the topic suggested, I was back to my same old days, where I, something that I've said and repeated and reiterated so many billion times, keep pushing myself to limits, never listen to my body, forced myself to do stuffs, have no self-control, add synonyms here.

Yep. The wall, again. Why? Because I insisted that I have to film the wallpass by today. By today, keywords. Why by today? Because I don't want to wait to edit my sampler anymore. Why not? Lazy mah.

Thats me. What my body says is. Stop doing the wallpass, I'm tired, lets go home and head back here at least on another day. Really, stop it. You got so many time in the world, you are still young, stop impacting yourself. Knee hurts, lets stop doing it, at least stop now or not things get worse. Its getting late, legs are tired, lets go man. You have already failed 40+ attempts, stop it already.

I didn't listen to what my body said. My temptation and my thoughts got the better of me, yet again. I always succumb to temptation and what my mind thinks only. Even I know that I can't climb the already quite obviously because my technique worsen, I'm frustrated, my legs are tired, and its already getting late and everything, even my knee is hurt. Why did I even thought of trying it again? Why can't I control myself and head back home? Why do I insist to carry on filming what I could film some other day, when I'm fresher? Why do I keep forcing myself to do a wall, which is quite obviously too hard for me since I used alot of effort but yet failed to do so? Why?

Thats what I can't understand either, its just that lack of selfcontrol and discipline, the persistence of doing what my mind whats, how I can't stop doing things, how I don't learn from my repeated mistakes, blinded by the consequences, and really, how I can't stop pushing my limits and force my body to do things that its not prepared for. I really can't stop it. I'm so guilty of repeating the lines "I MUST HAVE SELF CONTROL AND BE MORE SENSIBLE!". The words stare straights to me, written on my long-term goals to be achieved by this year. But at this rate, could I even achieve that goal? After how bad my self-control is, how I JUST can't listen to my body. I don't know why, but I JUST CANT. I prove my point to you so many times already. If only I could listen to my body, I wouldn't be so disappointed, frustrated and angry or regret over such things. Even I realize my mistakes, it happens again. I can't say that it won't happen again anymore. Because I said that 100 times, and its just words. Its just speech. No action.

I don't know what to do, I'm in a state of confusion. I lost myself. Speechless. Until I have to resort to such emo words. I feel that I'm talking in such a sarcastic manner that I don't even think its funny. And that sentence doesn't make any sense.

I'm just, very disappointed. Because of the camera, you can do anything. Actually to be honest to think about it, even I finally gotten my wallpass filmed at the 40th attempt or something, I still wouldn't be happy, because I forced myself to do it, just for the camera. Thats something bad. I don't really remember any film 40 takes to finally get a nice clip. It's just stupid. Why do you wanna film something you cannot do? Thinking back. Why am I so stupid. People looking around will go, what is this stupid boy doing? At least if I managed to climb the wall, they will be suprised or something.

Its something way out of my standard. I'm also disappointed with my technique too. After training for so long, my wallpass is still one of the worst movement yet. Its super inconsistent. I still can't climb castle wall 95% yet. Its just one technique that can't get into my muscle memory. If you want to ask whats my "best" technique, I would say its my SDC. I like SDCs, they're awesome. I'm good at that, and just that to be honest, I'm not being humble, its just being honest. My precision sucks, wallpass worse, armjump are so so, everything else are just like very normal, not much of a difference. To you guys I'm probably joking, but this is how I see my things. But yeah, I'm still happy to be able to do this things only after 16 months of training. But my self-control is horrible.

Theres alot of things to talk about now, things happens in a flash. I can say dblucy is now really crazy and progress in a crazy (but not really very healthy) speed. Newcomers like Zhiyang is still being annoying at times, claim some really stupid things, and treating me like a god or what, and other like you know who is still trying to be stupid and showoff, competitive thinking, progress the fastest in the world (but he can't, dblucy is the one to beat). Only one newcomer have potential, just one, but sometimes, he can't think properly either. All I got to do is hope.

And what about newcomers is how they think. Or how the public thinks about the world. Now I'm very convinced that people nowadays are just concerned of how things LOOKS, but not how things truly are. Yeah, because of some loudmouth in my school, now more and more people now I "PLAY" PARKOUR. I'm so bored or them. I cannot be assed to entertain their predictable nonsense. I give up, people are just too stubborn. They can't understand or even be bothered to listen to you anyway. They are so close-minded, and they are ever so convinced that what they think is right. Why am I not suprised.
(You can actually read my in my personal blog @ deeenester.blogspot.com, now more frequently updated, soon gonna write up something about parkour to explain it to them, so that they can finally stop claim bullshits.)

ANYWAY,
Now, the thing is, this time is not only just repeated impacts. Now my knee is hurting. And I'm not joking, its true. If it still hurts tomorrow, I'm gonna rest from Parkour, and go to the docs. And probably say (but never do, although how much I claim so), I'm gonna just focus purely on strength training and VERY LIGHT movements. But how so, with such lousy discipline? How so, with no self-control at all? How so, after so many such cases and yet repeat the same mistakes all over again for countless times? I don't know what to do. But if things still stays the same way, I'm not going to have a very good future, to not only the disappointment of myself, but to the disappointment of Ashton and fellow pioneers and traceurs and friends.

I can't trust what I say anymore, because it has been proven over and over again that I'm going only going to say stuffs and mean that I'm gonna do it, but however so I say, how strong the claim looks, I'm still going back on my words. This is so dumb.

I cannot trust even myself anymore. Thats how sad my life is.
Oh well.

And that marks the (real) end of this post, and thanks for wasting around 10 to 15 (or more) minutes of your life reading to my nonsensical rant. I already warn you, since you don't want to listen, this is what you get. Bye.