Not going so well...

As title suggests..

Start of the week on Monday was totally crap, my mood was totally ruined on that day, feel really frustrated. Guess what? Flips again. I lost my backflip, like for the 10th time. I've lost the feeling of whacking my body up and over, something that I used to have in the past. But after that one bail, things got worse. I wonder when can I be able to pass the mental block fully. If things goes on this way, theres no way where I can get back into my flipping basics. Theres still plenty of flips to learn after it. I don't know whether can I even get to satisfactory satandards by the end of this year. Especially when my training towards flips are really lazy, undetermined, and slipshoddy. Breakthrough video next year, will it be? Sideflips are not even there yet. I got so many more flips to start working on. But I'm not even working on what I already could do.

I got nothing to say about my pathetic flips. Really. I've been thinking to myself that, if I'm getting so frustrated over something, its no point learning them really, as the whole point in training is to really have fun. I'm not really have fun, I'm so frsutrated after almost every flipping session. But yet again, thinking of the goals I have for life, c'mon I'm not past the first stone, and I'm already giving up. I can't give up no matter what, I have to stick to my goals. I guess this will be a testament on how much perseverance and resilience I have. And flips are indeed nothing but practice and practice and practice. The starting is always the hardest. Once I overcome those physical and mental barriers, flips will start to be fun, and progressing will be at least much easier.

To be honest I'm really steadfast in my goals in terms of movements but when it comes to studies or something else, wow my determination is rather low.

Strength training. My routine looks really fucking tough. I've been training at weights really low to 90% 1rm especially for squats, because I find it hard to peak up. I can say that my bench press and deadlifts are rather easy as I haven't totally push them to my furthest. Squats are really taking alot out of me. 70kg squats can be fucking tiring and my form isn't very satisfactory. I'm not sure how am I gonna survive through week 4 which is indeed the killer week, especially the friday where I will be peaking to 80kg squats x 5. Week 3's Monday is already fucking tough. Not sure how am I gonna survive those killer weeks. But if I really cannot do those lifts well, I will lower the intensity of the lifts by all means. I still got 11 months to get my 2x bw squats and OAC.

Current PRs (and aims) :
Squats - 76kg x 5 (no increase, but i hope to get to 90kg by midyear)
Bench Press - 50kg x 5 (can do more though, but good enough, should be able to hit 60kg after the end of this routine)
Deadlifts - 75kg x 5 (good increase, can do more as well, i'll take this lift easy)
Pullups - 25kg x 3, 30kg x 1 (ok ok increase, hoping to bring the 30kg x 1 to 30kg x 5 by sometime before midyear)

Movements training was ok. Or rather much more enjoyable and decent. Wednesday was focussed more on precision repetitions which did went quite well. Repetitions are indeed the best way to improve one's movements in a whole, but theres some stuffs regarding that. Muscle memory is not something that is easily understood. The more you do, the more used you are to it. It doesn't mean the better you get to it. If you do a backflip like shit alot of time, it will forever be like shit. So everytime you do a move you have to focus on doing it well and good all the time, so everytime you repeat you must focus hard, and not chiong. Don't do too many repetitions, not only will it cause fatigue which in turn cost your form, it will also put unwanted stress on our joints. And if you train in Bishan, unwanted wear and tear for shoes. So yeah, I did too much repetitions actually. Shouldn't be doing that, something to keep in mind for the next practice. I'm more confident with my precisions now, and I can stick them pretty well.

Thursday I didn't train much at all. Went to film stuffs for Zhee Yang, practiced my SDC which really still up to my expectations, judging that I've nailed Shino's SDC since June 08. I've yet to nail them consistently, haven't been consistent at all. Its not nearly consistent at all.. I want to be able to nail Shino's SDC2LP as consistently as possible. So needa keep going there and practice. Didn't feel like training flips because I will know that I will feel frustrated after that, and wasn't in the mood. Will train flips tomorrow though.

Bought a new hose, same model though, Nike Darts VI, 80 bucks only, they last for a year (provided you don't train frequently at Bishan), good grip, comfortable, just the right amount of cushion (enough to feel your landing and provided cushion for your feet), looks nice to me as well. It is really worth buying, at least to me. I hope this could last me till next year March. For now, I wanna season the shoe and soon I can start practicing wallpasses.

I watch an LBC video with Tutu, seems like I possess good amount of influence and I seem to be the setter of trends to come, seeing that my movements are being followed and emulated by others. Not only movements, video editing as well. Originality is something that eveyrone should have. Find your own way, develop your own ideas, thats what makes you, you. Don't just be a sheep a copy and follow blindly on everything. I'm not saying its wrong to copy people... I'm just saying try opening your mind to see other things as well. I can think it in another way, everyone likes my ideas in my movements so yeah. I'm not saying I don't copy though.

Tomorrows the jam for the newcomers, I wonder how large a crowd it will be, so it is gonna be hard for me to train my stuffs, especially flips, newcomers always tend to have the wrong idea of flips, and just wanna chiong progression. But whatever. Like said earlier, I wanna practice the SDC2LP at shino, and probably climbups. Repetitions. I will teach others as well, but I won't expect too much.

Can't say much else, studies, ain't very confident of how my tests results will be. I'm ok with Physics and Maths, the rest is abit hard for me. In school things took turns of going up and downs.. but whatever, I really shouldn't overreacting to stuffs like this.

Off to bed.