Not working towards goals.

Didn't really train much this week.
All I know that I should really focus on one thing right now. FLIPS. I don't know what happened, ever since the bail from one training session quite some time ago, where I jumped up and freaked out in mid air, from then on I have this fear of rotating backwards. I don't know whats up with my backflip right now, and generally with most of my flips especially flips going backwards, I seem to have so much fear on them EVEN THOUGH I've nailed them before, and I pretty sure I can do it, just the fear restricts me from executing them. It's kinda frustrating to see that you have spent like 15minutes of your time to try to get rid of the fear and in the end, you found yourself wasting your own time. What's more, everytime you gotten rid of the fear (I did so in NYE jam with spotters), after awhile it will be gone, because I didn't kept practicing it. Then I have to keep relying on spotters or gym (which is currently not the option anymore because of repeatedly being kicked out of the gym, and because of that I hate Prime and I am never gonna go there again).

Other flips aren't that good either. I'm able to land aerials on concrete quite easily (although suckily, but still landed) on NYE jam, but ever since then, I've never been able to land them for god knows why. Frontflips aren't that controlled yet but still its the best flip I can do, of course alot of improvements can still be made. Yeah quite sadly these are the only few flips that I can do, I wanna get sideflips soon. As long as I can land an aerial I'm fine with it, I won't really be training it till its like damn goood. Right after I get my backflip well and consistent, I will be training for roundoff backflip, wallflips, and gainer. I do wanna train for slant gainers and corkscrew, backhandspring for my tumblings, and then progressing to twists and shizzle, and the other flips when I come to it, but priority is getting the basics strong and make them til 2nd nature.

Come to think of it, my one day goals consists of a couple of flips (or combos with flips), one of them being the double backflip. But now, I'm not even working hard towards the basics of my flips, I don't know what to actually say now, I hope to really get rid of the fear and really practice and drill my backflips hard, then I can work towards my harder goals. Sometimes I can get really demoralized and think about how many times I lost my flips or ain't making much progress out of them, maybe I'm just not cut out for flipping. It's really irritating to lose a flip. But I'm not the guy that will give up, as no matter how long it will for me to get flips into my system, I will train hard for it. As for everything, the starting is always the hardest, once you are good at it, it will be fun.

Enough of flips. But still something that is related to the topic title. Yes, handbalancing. Actually I'm getting the hang of the balancing now, but still far from getting it consistent. I think I have the strength to hold the handstand now, so I will be training to be able to balance it, which is my goal for my handstands at the moment. Thing is, I'm not even working on it, even though I got so much time that I can spend on it, just at home. Actually the main probelms of my balancing is my posture when holding my handstand and when I underbalance. I just can't seem to get them right. Another thing that is still related to this topic - twists, 360 precisions. Nowadays I'm losing interest in them, don't know why but then I still would like to be able to do a controlled 360 precisions, at least seeing my landing and all, but not necessary super far and controlled those kinds.

Ok now for other stuffs. I think I'm getting much more comfortable with my dashes on higher obstacles and on rails. And I think I should start getting palmspins on rails man, at least be able to do them. Been practicing my jumps, jumps onto higher obstacles, standing jump over rails and stuffs like that, just to engage with jumping power. No point being strong but not able to transfer them into speed, which is the more important of strengths. My lazy vault can go quite far right now, great achievement. Getting used to it now.

Weight training, now that I got abit of clue what my workout will be like, I should start working on my lifts now, to get ready for the routine. Its not going to be easy, seeing that only 4 weeks into I will be setting a new PR, and that would be really backbreaking. I will see how it goes. I'm also thinking of what will I do after the routine (which is 9 weeks), but I think I should only consider that when I'm like around the 7th week of it. I decided that I will start this routine on the first week of Feb (mondays, wednesdays, fridays), hopefully this time round I would not miss any workouts at all. Back to the times where I did my routine. Spamming gym workouts to get so fucking strong, then see my progression in my jumps, just a incredible feeling. Time to watch the food I eat and start doing lesser movements training to aid recovery. Probably be training movements only on saturdays, while train flips in school whenever possible. Needa get it 2nd nature.

Nowadays I got motivated to train for my OACs. I did 20 pullups in one go, although I think its not in a very strict form, but I think its just something I did for fun. My right arm OAC negative is pretty smooth, while my left arm is pretty much the same only that I think I still can't control the bottom range of motion. I thought I am close to my OAC the other time, but after doing one attempt, I realize how sucky I were. First thing first, work on my weighted pullups! I wanna hit 25kg x 5reps! Talking about that, my deadlift hit 65kg, not yet a record, as I'm gonna push my benchpress for abit more, deadlift for about 75kg if possible, and try to do a 25kg pullup for a few reps and see how much I can go. I wanna do a semi-peak to test my ability for abit.

About my thoughts on certain people, although they are nice to be with in person, I'm not sure how far they go in terms of mindset and attitude towards their training. How far will they go? How disciplined and dedicated are they, will they train alone or only when theres jams? Pushing so far beyond limits, for what reasons? I don't know, I wonder how long of the friends I am with right now, last. Will I still be training with them 5 years down the road... I'm pretty sure I will be.
And about people in my school. Still seem to be uninteractive with my friends, but whatever... I think I'll just slowly make up to it. I posted my video on facebook, just for fun actually, just to have a video in facebook. But didn't know that so much of my friends will realize it, I hope it doesn't get spread too much, I don't wanna be bugged constantly in school, or too well known. Actualy think its quite a bad move, but hopefully it attracted the 'right' people, that won't spread the news so much. I think now that my subscribers are at 143 (55 new subscribers since release), I'm starting to get more and more famous now, which is my first step, remember about the statement I wrote some time ago? Yeah. Quite happy about that. 2.4k views in 2 weeks. Great achievement for me. Hoping that it will overtake my march 08 views in one month.

I think I will make weekly blog post that will probably sum up my thoughts in the days before.