What've I been doing?

I have mixed thoughts.
Exams approaches, this is the first step, am I gonna prepare yet? Olevels hitting us hard in 5 months, and just 5 months, not too long man. What do I actually want now? The whole point of your secondary life is to prepare for this major O's, after that, you have overcame the one of the huge hurdles of life. No matter what your thoughts is, whether it being rational or not, does not matter at this point, because there is no choice, as there is none for opt to not enter national service, to get this major exams done and WELL. There's no other option but to score now. For that to happen, you gotta study, you gotta work, instead of wasting your time, procrastinating, slacking, doing nothing.

What have you learnt over the past 2 years mistakes in training? Mistakes after mistakes, time and again. Where's your self control, what's the point of yourself regretting over and over again, and then rant those regretful thoughts out here (letting people like Zahid making fun of you in the end)? Forget about bails and injuries, but how you keep pushing yourself doing things too big and somewhat reckless, which results in the former? Do you want to live long, stay healthy? What purpose does it serves to progress fast, impacting yourself in the process, when you got all the time in the world? Have you remembered what happened just a year back when you ended up with some knee problems due to forcing yourself to nail something which is not well within your reach? Control before everything else. Respect your body, please. And this must be your last time saying this.

You got about 5 months+ of school life now. And this will be the last year of secondary school, last year meeting your friends, but are you cherishing it? Or do you just wait and wait for the time to past, and when things are all over, you start regretting again, which is pure pointlessness. Forget about thinking that you sound stupid, or making yourself worse of then before, its obviously worse if you don't talk at all. Moreover, this is the final year. Time flies, fast.

Golden goals? What are goals if you don't even work towards them. I don't see you working towards handstands and such. All the time you say you are studying but are you? Or are you just blankly staring at the papers, giving excuses to yourself to do something else, and in the end, nothing gets done, and you try to fight against time for it. Whats the point of thinking that you will finish up all your work but at the end of the day you are only satisfied with just half your work done, due to the fact you are playing computer aimlessly for hours. Why settle for a small score when you know with discipline, you can go big? Its just the lack of fighting spirit. If only you can push as hard as you do in pushing your limits in training. There's a right place for everything.

Somethings gets done, good. Fred sampler is finally done and dusted, 1 new scary thing each training session, interaction between friends. But its not good enough man, never good enough. Never settle for something small when you know you could do better, in stuffs like this. You got quite a good mindset in lifting and flipping, but why not in pahcore? You shouldn't aim not to be bail, but not to recklessly push limits and impact yourself, because with that, you won't be bailing, provided you give due focus. Time for this is limitless, so take things slow.

I don't want to talk too much.
I don't want to waste too much time.
I don't want to write craps here but in the end, mean nothing to it.