Honest Expressions

Whats honest? Some friends say I'm quite direct, frank, straightforward. No matter how blunt it is, I'll like to say things to people face. Like you know, many people don't like such people. Think about Simon Cowell, how many jeers he receives from the crowd. He, unlike the most other judges, does not care about how the person might feel, and instead tell his honest, true opinions to the world. Wrong? Then would you rather a person live in his or her delusions thinking about how 'perfect' she is. The harsh reality is what people do not want to face, but who can you lie to?

As this blog is my personal life blog, I'll post whatever shit I want, whether or not people understands, bothers to read, or whatever. I don't really care about typos, I use this as a way to rant my daily doldrums away, and couldn't care less about what others will say. Recently I have many thoughts running up my mind, through training, speeches and words from friends, reading up, and even from my dreams. I'm gonna type it all down here.

First thing, like recently spoken, philosophy differs from person to person. Same applies for opinions. Sometimes we are can't come to an agreement, there will be conflicting thoughts here and there, we can't satisfy everyone all the time. I too feel that there's alot of things that my friends and people say or do, is 'wrong'. But, opinions holds truth to oneself. So who am I to say they are wrong? Opinions are opinions, do not confuse they will proven facts and definitions.
That's why, sometimes people might think about things this way, and stay happy with it, while you think how stupid is he to think about it that way. You can try to ask them to think otherwise, like through questioning and persuasion, but at the end of it all, their opinion holds.

So, I hope you guys can respect and accept my opinions no matter how much you disagree to it.

I was asked "Do you think about the consequences you have to bear for a movement you do?"
Doing this 'sport', I think we all know the dangerous nature of it and what risks are at stake. Realistically speaking, for every move we do, should we miscalculate or lose our focus, it will go terribly wrong. So, do you mean if we can never bear the consequence of something, we should never do it at all? But hey, Peekay is about? Overcoming obstacles. I'm pretty that doesn't only mean physical obstacles, but mental ones as well. I think it is all about a weak mind if you were to not train flips because you know you can never take the bail of a flip.

Sometimes I think about the past of what we do to a person, to bring him to where he stands right now. Hmmm, the most closest analogy would be like a parent who bought his child in the world. Now think, what if the child, when grown up, suddenly feel that he is so big and could disrespect his parents and all. It just sucks if you were to symphatize, to know that a child you bring up have now turn his back at you. Sometimes I feel that bad, if I were to shout at my parents. After all, whoever who brought you in, think about what he/she have done, before action takes place.

Bad points. I've recently asked a few people to name out certain negative traits of my character. I think thats the only way a person can try to change, at least he knows an certain area that he can improve on. Believe me, everyone I know got bad points. If one don't say out, its only because he doesn't want to 'hurt your feelings' or just felt accustomed to your bad habits. We as humans should have the ability to tolerate to some extent of your friends bad points.

Not long ago, probably like 2 weeks ago, I dreamt about something. Its about PK (thats why I'm mentioning) and we are having a jam similar to the one buangkok unhorror, and we are at a cool carpark rooftop. Some of the guys were drilling a running precision with a huge huge drop at the other side (5 storeys like the typical sg carparks). Ashton, Fred, Stephen and Zahid nailed it, while I was recording with my camera. Looks like a very familiar scene. While I was slacking and I saw Zahid do that very running precision with so much force and he went out of control and overshotted, then fallllllllllll all the way down off, as I was too afraid to look I 'took cover' and heard the loud splat sound. And what I can recall is that Ashton took a look out and was like "someone call the fucking ambulance" and then I woke up. At least thats what I can think. The dream was quite strong, much stronger then the other normal dreams.

And then recently were buildering at Simei, I gripped well to the edge and was hanging on but after a sudden slip I feel all the way down. Not too high though, luckily, but the first thing I felt was something familiar, and soon I recalled the dream. The feeling is like falling to what seems at first a bottomless pit, like you can't see your landing at all (was too sudden and I can't see my landing), and I was like 'wtf did I just slipped from like half a storey". To me it is really a big impact, because it was nothing compared to my poser times where drops were much higher, uncontrolled and stupid. And I think to people, that drop is something they did regularly. But the fact that I slipped really carelessly make me relate to the dream. And think about the Bishan 2nd storey catleap, what will happen if I lose focus and fall off. Just felt really scary.

It is those small slip-ups that reminds you or how costly your mistake could be.

But fear is still something we have to work with. If fear plays such an restrictive factor of what you can do, then whats the point if you are working to be free of restriction. To me I vehemently disagree about things that "don't do such things if it isn't worth the risk".

More thoughts coming right up.
Flips could be impactful. Hell yeah they are. But really, is that very reason enough to stop you to train them? How weak can your will be. I think it is all about compromises. To be able to flip, you'll need to start flipping, and you can never expect yourself to be landing with good form at even the first year. I'm prepared to take whatever harms this might do to me in another 20/30 years down the road. Before you say that I go against the brainwashed 'philosophy' of 'to be and to last', let me tell you who doesn't want to last long? Trust me guys at the rate you are going, even if you think you are 'too slow', you will wear out at latest 40. Its all logic. Parkour is much more impactful then most other sports, the only exception is that we can progress at our own pace and theres no competition for us to force ourselves. But still I can see we are all doing alot of harm to our knees and ankle. I'm not saying its impossible, but that would need alot of self control, limiting yourself, and going very slowly, something that I admit that I wouldn't want to do due to my lack of self control. Ask yourself, some guys already got knee problems and the like. I'm one of them. If you tell me, it is really about compromises. But its not that I want to impact myself, flips are one of the reason why I think they are inevitable. I'm not a weak bitch who will not flip due to its impactful nature.

Time past really flies. As I speak, 40 minutes just went by while I write all this. No wonder it is so long. I'm used to it. But whether you guys want to read it or not, its up to you. I don't really care. But we should all use time productively. Exams coming, tests are coming, 5 weeks time till paper 1 of Eng and Chinese for Mid year. Time is running out. I should dedicate more time to study and really organise my time well so that I won't spend too much time doing stupid things like blogging on the computer right now. And also, balance out studying and training.

Went to gym today. Honestly wasn't too contented. First set of 80kgx3 squats was good, second set was still acceptable but the last was too forced. Benchpress, I missed a rep for the 60kg set, which comes as a suprise because I've been handling the benchpress weights really well throughout. Pullups faced a setback, knowing that the 25kg set was already too heavy, I knew 30kg will be too much for me to handle, so I'll cut it down to 28kg, which I forced the third rep up. Will be planning my deloading afterwards.

Is gymtraining too much for the joints and tendons as well? I wonder. Combined with the stressful nature of flips and Parkour, wouldn't it be an recipe for killing joints? Yes I've been pushing myself alot, too much, rushing, but for don't know what. I will like to keep the weights low after this routine, and the next routine that I'll be undertaking, would be adjusted to something safe. Somehow, something that can inspire for some time and make me time I'm gonna change for the good, but after a few days or weeks, the inspiration wears out. Which is something really irritating for me. I know I want to change but my self control, since the past, was really bad. I don't know, but I should seriously keep in mind the aims that I want in my training. Although I'm prepared to face the repercussions of my trainings now in my mid 30s, I would still want to stop all the impactful stuffs that I've been doing. My self control, is seriously weak.

Remember guys, all these are my opinions.

Tomorrow I'll be going to Buangkok and make sure I work on my training goals.