Back to my same old days.

So utterly disappointed.

What you are probably gonna read is something you read before a thousand times already, almost like reading the same thing over and over again, so what I'm suggesting now is to skip this post and go sleep or something, because its totally not worth of your time. I'm serious. You are reading what you ALREADY read. So stop wasting your time. Time is precious. Time is money. Time is irreplaceable. Really. Go to surf other websites man, this is not something you will be interested of reading. Anyway even if you continue read, its not going to make you any smarter or what as you already know the words I'm gonna say.

Not gone yet? You really wanna waste your time? You got so much time of your life so you want to spend a couple of precious minutes reading a written piece of crap you already read, not once, not twice, but some many times already? You are really persistent to continue reading on? Really really want to read something you already read already? Something like this -

Not gone yet? You really wanna waste your time? You got so much time of your life so you want to spend a couple of precious minutes reading a written piece of crap you already read, not once, not twice, but some many times already? You are really persistent to continue reading on? Really really want to read something you already read already?

See what I mean? Really man, you already wasted at least 1 minute reading the shits above. You still wanna waste your time, the time that can be used for a much better alternative, such as training, doing something more productive, reading something more interesting, watching a couple of entertaining video, you name it, on reading this already read-ed shit?

Damn, you are really stubborn. This is your last warning. Stop wasting the seconds of your life, reading this line now. No really. You are soo stubborn. Despite all this warnings, you still decided to read on, and waste the extra minutes of your life, so after reading the things I'm gonna write below, I hope you don't go "why didn't I go off earlier, I wasted 10 minutes of my life," or something on the lines of that.

This is your final chance.
To get lost.










Oh my god, just get lost will you?

Nevermind, since you want to waste your time, I shall help you.
Today, on 27/06/08, Friday, 21st century, around 18.30 to 19.05, I did some really stupid things.

End of story.







Now get lost.





Damn, get lost lah. Please. I'm helping you to save time. Really. Do you think I'm lying? Stop making me write so many lines to just make you get out of my sight (or blog) man. I'm also tired, and I got a life. So stop wasting my time on telling you not to waste your time. Ok?
Please. Thanks.



Bye.




Fine, I should not give a damn about you anymore. Lets get back on topic.
Ok, let the topic suggested, I was back to my same old days, where I, something that I've said and repeated and reiterated so many billion times, keep pushing myself to limits, never listen to my body, forced myself to do stuffs, have no self-control, add synonyms here.

Yep. The wall, again. Why? Because I insisted that I have to film the wallpass by today. By today, keywords. Why by today? Because I don't want to wait to edit my sampler anymore. Why not? Lazy mah.

Thats me. What my body says is. Stop doing the wallpass, I'm tired, lets go home and head back here at least on another day. Really, stop it. You got so many time in the world, you are still young, stop impacting yourself. Knee hurts, lets stop doing it, at least stop now or not things get worse. Its getting late, legs are tired, lets go man. You have already failed 40+ attempts, stop it already.

I didn't listen to what my body said. My temptation and my thoughts got the better of me, yet again. I always succumb to temptation and what my mind thinks only. Even I know that I can't climb the already quite obviously because my technique worsen, I'm frustrated, my legs are tired, and its already getting late and everything, even my knee is hurt. Why did I even thought of trying it again? Why can't I control myself and head back home? Why do I insist to carry on filming what I could film some other day, when I'm fresher? Why do I keep forcing myself to do a wall, which is quite obviously too hard for me since I used alot of effort but yet failed to do so? Why?

Thats what I can't understand either, its just that lack of selfcontrol and discipline, the persistence of doing what my mind whats, how I can't stop doing things, how I don't learn from my repeated mistakes, blinded by the consequences, and really, how I can't stop pushing my limits and force my body to do things that its not prepared for. I really can't stop it. I'm so guilty of repeating the lines "I MUST HAVE SELF CONTROL AND BE MORE SENSIBLE!". The words stare straights to me, written on my long-term goals to be achieved by this year. But at this rate, could I even achieve that goal? After how bad my self-control is, how I JUST can't listen to my body. I don't know why, but I JUST CANT. I prove my point to you so many times already. If only I could listen to my body, I wouldn't be so disappointed, frustrated and angry or regret over such things. Even I realize my mistakes, it happens again. I can't say that it won't happen again anymore. Because I said that 100 times, and its just words. Its just speech. No action.

I don't know what to do, I'm in a state of confusion. I lost myself. Speechless. Until I have to resort to such emo words. I feel that I'm talking in such a sarcastic manner that I don't even think its funny. And that sentence doesn't make any sense.

I'm just, very disappointed. Because of the camera, you can do anything. Actually to be honest to think about it, even I finally gotten my wallpass filmed at the 40th attempt or something, I still wouldn't be happy, because I forced myself to do it, just for the camera. Thats something bad. I don't really remember any film 40 takes to finally get a nice clip. It's just stupid. Why do you wanna film something you cannot do? Thinking back. Why am I so stupid. People looking around will go, what is this stupid boy doing? At least if I managed to climb the wall, they will be suprised or something.

Its something way out of my standard. I'm also disappointed with my technique too. After training for so long, my wallpass is still one of the worst movement yet. Its super inconsistent. I still can't climb castle wall 95% yet. Its just one technique that can't get into my muscle memory. If you want to ask whats my "best" technique, I would say its my SDC. I like SDCs, they're awesome. I'm good at that, and just that to be honest, I'm not being humble, its just being honest. My precision sucks, wallpass worse, armjump are so so, everything else are just like very normal, not much of a difference. To you guys I'm probably joking, but this is how I see my things. But yeah, I'm still happy to be able to do this things only after 16 months of training. But my self-control is horrible.

Theres alot of things to talk about now, things happens in a flash. I can say dblucy is now really crazy and progress in a crazy (but not really very healthy) speed. Newcomers like Zhiyang is still being annoying at times, claim some really stupid things, and treating me like a god or what, and other like you know who is still trying to be stupid and showoff, competitive thinking, progress the fastest in the world (but he can't, dblucy is the one to beat). Only one newcomer have potential, just one, but sometimes, he can't think properly either. All I got to do is hope.

And what about newcomers is how they think. Or how the public thinks about the world. Now I'm very convinced that people nowadays are just concerned of how things LOOKS, but not how things truly are. Yeah, because of some loudmouth in my school, now more and more people now I "PLAY" PARKOUR. I'm so bored or them. I cannot be assed to entertain their predictable nonsense. I give up, people are just too stubborn. They can't understand or even be bothered to listen to you anyway. They are so close-minded, and they are ever so convinced that what they think is right. Why am I not suprised.
(You can actually read my in my personal blog @ deeenester.blogspot.com, now more frequently updated, soon gonna write up something about parkour to explain it to them, so that they can finally stop claim bullshits.)

ANYWAY,
Now, the thing is, this time is not only just repeated impacts. Now my knee is hurting. And I'm not joking, its true. If it still hurts tomorrow, I'm gonna rest from Parkour, and go to the docs. And probably say (but never do, although how much I claim so), I'm gonna just focus purely on strength training and VERY LIGHT movements. But how so, with such lousy discipline? How so, with no self-control at all? How so, after so many such cases and yet repeat the same mistakes all over again for countless times? I don't know what to do. But if things still stays the same way, I'm not going to have a very good future, to not only the disappointment of myself, but to the disappointment of Ashton and fellow pioneers and traceurs and friends.

I can't trust what I say anymore, because it has been proven over and over again that I'm going only going to say stuffs and mean that I'm gonna do it, but however so I say, how strong the claim looks, I'm still going back on my words. This is so dumb.

I cannot trust even myself anymore. Thats how sad my life is.
Oh well.

And that marks the (real) end of this post, and thanks for wasting around 10 to 15 (or more) minutes of your life reading to my nonsensical rant. I already warn you, since you don't want to listen, this is what you get. Bye.

Let's see.

I think I will stop talking about training for awhile and rant about the stuffs affecting training and things about it for this post. I think this will be a long post, but I really can't be bothered.

First up, about how newcomers think about Parkour.
I can really see plentiful newcomers nowadays, they have potential, as in they have the skills. They are very good, they progress very fast. Some of them do strength training, conditioning, and stuffs. Thats good, but there is one thing about it - Why do they even train? I can see alot of newcomers now, they don't mean what they say too. They go on saying, "I train to get stronger/to improve myself/so that I can escape/for myself." or "Because its fun/I like it." Whatever the reasons is, although might not sound appropriate, as long as they mean what they say, and they know what they are doing. So far, most of the answer to the question when I ask them "Why do you Parkour?" are short answers and very cliche ones. Do you expect me to believe what they say? I think they read it from some where and just blindly copy-and-pasted it to the conversation.

Yeah you get what I mean. The way I see those newcomers train Parkour, is quite negative. Some of them do Parkour just like any other hobby or pastime, or they just do it for the sake of it, unknowingly, or some even worse, for showing off purposes, to be better then others, or whatever other nonsense. Its true, damn true. Just look around you nowadays. No one takes Parkour as a serious discipline now. Although Parkour is meant to be fun and stuffs, but the way they do it now is like just any other sports you see, rollerskating, bboying, skateboarding. So what if you are so good or what, when your mindset sucks.

I can't do anything to it though.

Sometimes when we are doing stuffs, training, we never realize something. About the chances of bailing. It's not about bailing as in the very obvious of like slipping, or missing the rail, or falling backwards if you missed the precision. It is about the very minor aspect of obstacle, that is really dumb. I still remember I did a barefooted wallpass at 497 where my toe got scraped because of a stupid crack on the floor. And yesterday I did something really dumb at home where I ran so close to the door then I really accidentally unexpectedly banged my knee to the side of the doorframe. I dont know why, and I know you guys think that thats stupid. But it happened, and now my toe is sprained.

Its very retarded and I really hate it. It keeps making you have the "if only you didn't do that" feeling. Very irritating. And because of this very very stupid bail you are off training for a couple of days, and those days can be used for some training. But I'm seriously not going to use this as an excuses really, and adapt through. I'm gonna do upperbody training then, and if possible, still do squats. But I still can't get over the fact that I was sooooooooo careless. What a mistake..

And then there was something I learnt about tricking. Whatever you do sometimes, NEVER, ever, bail from a trick. Because it will screw up muscle memory hell alot. It will make you think about what happened the last time you tried it, and how badly you bailed. I went to trick at a huge field, and I got back my backflip, and at the same day, I lost it once again. Shit man, I really hate the stupid thing that makes you suddenly freak out in mid-air. I hate bailing man, I know no one does, just when I got over my fear for a while, I lost it again. Argh.

Hmmm, last friday this idiotic old man looked at me like want to fight like that, when I did a wallpass in a kinda public area. I really don't understand what he wants man. I really don't understand what some public holds against us. We are doing our own thing, we just left some shoeprints on the wall and our handprints everywhere, we are not vandalizing and breaking stuffs, and we are training and not doing "dangerous" stuffs like what they think. We know what we are doing and we ourselves know the risk of the "sport". Damn, why am I talking about all this shit.

I also really don't understand what does newcomers wants with flips. I think most of the traceurs wants to flip, thats ok, I'm not against it. But I'm not sure why newcomers get so excited when the see in Singapore Parkour video with a gym. And they go on shouting "IS THIS GYM OPEN TO PUBLIC!??". And I swear when we include some flips into a video, although how sucky the flips is, the guys (the Singapore Parkour scene, that is) will say 'NICE FLIPS!" You see what I mean? And they go on doing freestyling moves and think its soo cool. It really makes me think alot of kids or newcomers nowadays wanna do parkour to look good, to look cool, for aesthetics and other shit reasons. I'm not against newcomers wanting to learn flips, but rather puzzled and irritated why newcomers are always easily attracted to "flippy stuffs". You get what I mean.

And why do so many people hate training at the gym? I have so many fucking excuses like "Parkour is about handling your own bodyweight, so obviously it would be better to train with any added weights." OR "Weights will stunt your growth." OR "Weight training only makes you slower." OR plenty other probably bullshit like how you get injuries when you're old and how unapplicable or unpractical it is. I would you the easiest of comebacks of "How sure are you of stating such statements?", because nowadays everyone is blurting shits out of their mouths thinking their right and stuffs when they actually haven't got a clue.

Also nowadays guys are training anyhow with no aim in mind, and they don't even train constantly, and they don't train alone. Some even don't train strength at all, only movements, movements and movements. And yet say "while doing movements I'm conditioning myself." which is probably one of the biggest joke of all. They don't even train properly. I really don't know what to say.

Lets cut that off and get training back to topic.

I'm gonna make a video now. I really wanna refilm alot of stuffs because its quite boring now, and I think I need to brush up on certain things. I need to get a list of things I wanna film and work on it. And I'm gonna start editing soon, hope to get everything clean. I'm still not sure what other clips I need but I'm sure needing more. I just need to think of stuffs right now.

It just sucks to know that sometimes, when you are the one doing the movement(s), then you needa get a filmer to film you. But the filmer just doesn't know the way you want your movement to be filmed. Then we will keep refilming and asking about what he did wrong, only to know that the filmer will go "YOU VERY MAHUAN LEH," or you'll just make him feel lousy. Its one of the very probelmatic things filmers faces sometimes.

And I have quite a number of other videos that I thought of and wanna try to experiment with filming and editing too. I'm gonna say roughly that the video that I'm working on right now would be more focused on the filming and editing rather then movements. I think half of the video will be showing editing tricks, timelapse, random stuffs, you get the drift. I just added movements because thats what I like and just to not make viewers bored. I'll just hope that the video turns out well. But then I still got a couple of stuffs left to film. The other videos, so far actually only two other videos that I'm confirm to be working on is just some random ideas I've gotten. First one was an idea I long thought off, basically focusing on the speed of movements. The another one would be focusing on the environment and the movements and peace of it, I just need to find a perfect area for this. Thats all for spoilers.

Training now has been halted sadly because of my fucking toe, but I got everything under scheduled and I'm gonna test for my 1rm squats and test my 100m/40y/vert/boxjump before the month ends.

THATS ALL FOLKS.

Random Update?

...and a random title.

Ok, its a week. I'm getting back on training.
This time, its serious business. I really hope I mean what I say, I do what I say, I get what I say. I'm getting back training hard everyday (at least 4 times a week), squatting, pressing, deadlifting, and pulling my way to my goals. I need to get back on track. I remember what I said last time, how I wanted to get a high vertical, huge box jump, springy legs, insane speed, eye-popping distances, jump like nothing. Its getting back into my mind, after watching ever inspiring videos, that keeps my blood pumping.

Cutxman, Dim Monk, Daniel Ilabaca, HeangKoing, Stefan Holm, Blane, other parkour videos. Go search them in Youtube or something.

For strength training, I have a new system in mind, I'll still do what I used to do, weighted pullups, bench press, squats and deadlifts. But at the last week of the month I will do 1rm of my squats, checking for progression. Increase weights every month, in a gradual and progressive manner of course. Practice form of goodmornings and front squats. My deadlifts and benchpresses are getting there, I will now work on slowly increasing the weights. Squats are there, pullups are ok. I just need to push myself back on training at gym on a regular basis and things will start coming my way again.

Movements, I don't know why but I'm doing them more often, so I'll start going to gym more rather then the outside. Also I might wanna spend somedays training some movements that I wanna improve in before heading to gym. Maybe a small less-then-30-minutes session focusing on rolls, or wallpasses, or precisions, or anything that I wanna work on, then I'll take a rest then head to gym. My rolls and climbups are getting a whole lot better but they still have alot to be worked on. And I will need to spend more time practicing my handstands and a little mix of handbalancing and rolling at home, followed by some stretching and stuffs. I just need to realize that I shouldn't spend too much time on movements, keep sessions less then 2hours, or not my knees will get tired and my tendons (and me) will suffer.

Flips and tricking on the other hands, I feel like spending more time outside working on all of my flips, getting them consistent especially backflips for the moment. Now its time to work on my fear and then get my technique and everything right. On playground. I also realize I spend very little time on my flips, yet I expect so much from them. How stupid. I need alot of practice, and I need to put in alot of hardwork in it. Backflip is my target for now. I'm not sure about later but right now I must work on my backflip.

I got a video in mind. It will display my filming and editing (more of editing though) at its very best, and some movements which I think is worth to be on filmed. A great song to couple with it too. Some random clips but all that makes it better. Watch out for it, it won't disappoint. But then again I must reiterate, its not much of movements (although that is what counts, just not in this video), more of a test of editing, experimenting here and there, and just for fun's sake. I don't wish to rush this video, because for things to be good, time is needed. So no hurry.

Speaking about videos, I lost all my clips, including all the photos and clips in my Vietnam trip, as my sister's hard disk drive spoilt. Fuck for not having extra backups. What a big mistake, and such a big loss.

I know that if I want to achieve my goals, I can't run away from training. I need to work hard for each and every goal, and all the strength training needed will be worth it once my goals are reached. Thats why I decided I can't just forget about going to the gym anymore although my body don't feel like it. Its more like, since my body is lazy, I must force myself to go to the gym. That'll need discipline.

I think around August, or maybe September (time will answer that), I will start very small plyometrics. Box jumps, depth jumps. I will plan it accordingly, record progression, and slowly increase the depth/height. I'll do more research. But for now, I practice a little bit of boxjump in my movement training, just to get use to the technique. But small ones.

I really need to get control of myself, especially in trainings, and not laze around using the computer for thousands of hours and end up wasting all my time watching youtube videos which will probably do very little help in my life. Everything requires discipline, so I should really stop running away from training, stop finding excuses, stop doing stupid stuffs in movements training, and -add whatever things I have in mind here-.

It will start from tomorrow.

Loss of Motivation.

Sorry for not updating this blog for a long time.
Wait.
Why am I saying sorry? No one reads this blog anyway.

Hmmm, during the past few days, I really lost my motivation. I can't believe it. After the Vietnam Trip (which was a excellent one), I wanted to train as its a Friday, and I always train movements on Friday. So I went out.. trained alittle bit, I felt that I really gotten weaker, I don't have the ability to propel my body upwards unlike last time, and my body felt very weak too, but I'm fully fresh after the number of stagnant days. It felt like a chore to do a muscleup. I have to use sooo much force to land a jump which I can actually quite easily do in the past. Then I find that I don't have the drive to move, half of the time I'm slacking. I'm not focused at all, I just tried to do some movement, and felt like I've became so much heavier. It's like I loss all my ability already. The feeling is similar to like, after spending so much time on a video game and only to know that you have been hacked, or like spending a week time of hardwork on your school project only to realize last minute all your data is lost. Thats the feeling, seriously. I felt like 'Fuck lah, asshole, bastard, motherfucking son of a female dog eat shit cunt cocksucker prick dumbass fat bitch, YOUR MUM!". Feel like pulling out all my hair.

Well, not really.

I can't find any reason except two reasons. Its either, the long break has made me tired, I loss all my power. Or, because I'm training with Zahid that day, he's stealing all my power, and distracting me. Because he also went to the Vietnam trip and wasn't complaining at all, then I'm left with one reason.

I bet he will go angry and scold the fuck out of me if he reads this.

And also, to be very honest, I felt twice as sleepy, twice as lazy. I don't have the motivation to go to gym for strength training anymore. I lose interest in lifting, somehow. I rather do movements and more or less likely to destroy my joints and everything. I used to happily go to the gym with the excitement to squat up at 70kg, do weighted pullups, try out new lifts and everything. I don't need to force myself to go to the gym like today. But I figured I really need to go to the gym, as I still need to strengthen myself, to achieve my goals (including the 2x bodyweight squat), and of course to aid my movements. Shit man, WHY!!!!
And today's gym session felt very boring and to even squat 50kg was very tiring, wtf man. I don't have the satisfaction unlike past sessions too. WHY!!!!

And, I seriously can't stop myself to do big stuffs during movements training. I should really limit myself to like less then 2hours for movements training, as it might cause tendon overuse, and believe it or not, I always have the feeling of pain on my knee tendon every Friday night (after gym..). I rest for a long time already in the past, but the thing is it still happens. Right now its fine, when I'm not training I don't feel pain at all. It is only after training the pains come. Thats sooo irritating.
Another thing about me is I always aim to go for bigger things, rather then "perfect" my basic and easier thing that I can do. And my fluidity suddenly worsen. Rolls and climbups still need work on. Speed within movements are still weak. Every jump, landing, impact are very loud and not very controlled. Keep going for big, big stuffs. Can't stick to schedule. Movements feels very forced sometimes, not smooth. I need to get my own style back. Explosiveness and fluidity. All the stuffs mentioned above, are the stuffs that I will needa work on in my future trainings, rather then going big and killing myself. Flips on the other hand, needs more practice and slowly getting it back on form. Aerial and backflips... come back!!

I really need to train seriously in the future. (how many times did I say this already? 100 times?)

And I keep feeling sick, its like on and off. Which kinda affected my strength training today. Fuck it man. Fuck it. Just fuck it. Fuck it, fuck it, just fuck it, fuck it. (not beat it, but fuck it)

And videos. I suddenly feel alot more drive in making videos, so really expect lotsa videos to pop up in my profile, soon. Oh there is a new little progression video in my youtube profile. Its pretty boring. I think I wanna delete it as soon as I'm done with my latest video. It'll be good. (also the reason why I am doing bigger stuffs in probably for the camera. damn it.)

Oh and Zahid, I'm just kidding about the fourth paragraph.

Now there is a new post in this blog, happy?
I'm just bored, hence the number of vulgarities and randomness and stuffs-that-doesn't-make-sense-to-any-human-being.