Not-so-fun life.

I'll go through today first.
Boxfit Tampines was closed for the time being, what news. No - rather, what TIMING. Irritating. So I had to settle to a further destination, Boxfit @ Eunos CC. Went there today, had to take sometime to settle down abit, quite retarded, I'm not sure if the bar and weights are the same, but I had to assume so, as it should and probably are the same. Form today wasn't the best of things, it didn't felt like my 92.5kg max-outs or the other days. I just don't have the feeling, pullups was feeling weak as well. I rested fully the day before, but, oh well, maybe let's not rely on feelings. So I squatted, 100kg. First rep turned out awesome, should've stopped there and then, finished, to pullups. But I went for the 2nd rep, bad form, overly leaned forward. Still, complacent, went for 105kg, squatted the worse rep of my entire career of lifting. This is not a question about being pumped enough or focussed enough, but whether it is too heavy. I underestimated a 5kg weight difference affectation. Thought it was easy. But no. Went for a solid 100kg rep again, but not good enough. Sure I can say I can squat 105kg, but honestly, I should've settled for 100kg one rep.

Pullups didn't turned out any better. Firstly it was the distance that ruined my mood, second the squats, thirdly the unfamiliar environment, and coming here already not have the 'gym-feeling', thought that this testing day couldn't've been worse. I did managed a good 30kg x 3reps, but struggled at the 35kg x1 (used to be able to do 37.5kg), and was fucking forceful in the 40kg, so no improvements. I need to tell myself that my 1rm testing days are not days that you push yourself to the BARE MAXIMUM. Your body isn't godlike, as if it can handle any weight you think it can handle. I hate the feeling when shorten the lifespan of my body joints/tendon/ligaments. Also, it could also be probably a bad routine that I created in the first place, I should be starting a new workout routine during March, but I'm not aiming for any big gains, just improvements in the weight range that i'm comfortable handling with.

Now that I watched my past year's strength training videos at the gym, I can say I improved quite alot, especially pullups. Didn't hit the target of OAC, not even close to it at all, but I can say I seriously underestimate the difficulty of it. And I really don't have much motivation to train it at all. Next year I should at least feel that I'm not far away from an OAC, and should hit 50kg pullups. Squats, hopefully 110kg x 3reps. 120kg x1 maybe, at least a 2x bodyweight squat, something I haven't achieve this year as well. I'll play by ear, and not expect too much of a gain again. get it.

And since the boxfit in tampines is closed, I'm lazy to go all the way to eunos CC all the time, and I hate that swimming complex gym, so I guess I'm on a hiatus till 4th jan. This period will be pure parkour training, explosive power!

But after that, later, in the evening, I went down for some small movements training, something that I've never done for quite a long time. I practiced my flips, sideflips are getting good now, i figured that I should untuck earlier in my fronts, and backflips is quite high too. I should be working on getting back my gainers soon, and then get my fronts/sides in combos outside. I significantly lost power in precisions involving height, should be working on that now. Still feel that the Simei SDC2LP is really far. I also figured my landings improved, softer now, but still need more control all the time.

Epic jammage rained heavily, quite a mood-ruiner, but still had fun with qayyim in the jelapang jam, indoor ramp was fun stuffs, small ramp but always new things to nail. Tic tac 2 pre, something rather new to me. Happy that I nailed it, but I should be wary that i take too much attempts before doing something. I need to focus more, still having occasional slip ups and that causes those bad landings or even bails that I should already have gotten rid off. I guess no point worrying about stuffs, just remember to not overpush myself, and focus, and control your landings.

Castle is gone, and its really sad, somehow, not having somewhere near to train all the stuffs that we all could train. Now torn down, all that remains is debris, sad to say...

Started editing arghrun, still figured i need more runs, more epic clips... more variety of people, should make a good edited film out of it. cp in motion 2 will be THE hit. just kiding, not hyping things up...

haven't felt too good about life at the moment, really boring, really monotonous, repetitive, same thing all day, really need to play my heart out, and money is getting in the way of it.

R.I.P Castle

taken from facebook, written by me.

"Castle, a playground renowned for the amazing stunts people does in it and its unique structural surfaces, makes it so great for youths and adults alike to enjoy and chill out till the latest of nights.

Located at Tampines, it is probably the sole surviving old school playground left in it. However, it fell to the clutches of some contractors who felt that playgrounds should only cater the needs of children from the age 6 - 12 years old. And the 'poor' design of it seem to be dangerous for young kids. Same for the 'Shoe' and 'Mushroom' playground, demolition is knocking at its door.

We all share the grief of not having this one-of-a-kind playground, where traceurs can come and hone their skills, where children had the fun times playing blindmice, where all teenagers slack their days away... fond memories are sure to be kept. Sad to say, all good things had to come to an end.

Too late to sign a petition for it, for it is already being fenced up and its mats being torn apart. However, we can still show our agitation towards its demolition."

"so many things yet to be accomplished. honestly i saw this coming.haven't we heard the warning months ago. we took the warning for granted, not thinking that the demolition would ever come. yesterday i trained at castle, and it was totally fine, except for a sighting of fences and plank nearby. that made me ponder about t...he possibility of it being used to demolish castle. but i pushed that inkling away. today morning's call informed me of the fencing up of the area. expected it, i totally had expected it.

people would've regretted to not taking their opportunities, kept saying there'll always be next time. sadly, for castle, a playground where demolition would eventually take its course, there might not be a 'next time'. take this as a lesson learnt, to cherish whatever you have today, for you might not see it again tomorrow.

of course, its sad to see our finest go down into pieces. however, i'm happy to feel that i've came and conquered, cherished and celebrated, the one and only castle.

should've stuck a flag of PK:SG today."

R.I.P Castle.

Thinking, thinking, thoughts.

Quite bored now.
Don't know why but I've been noticing an increasing loss of leg power over the days, landings became shittier, distance and height lesser, explosiveness now little to none. Months back, some even years back, I believe I can nail the precisions without much hesitation and quite nicely controlled. Don't just say legs, pulling power as well, my muscleups and climbups deteriorated, seems like I'm getting weaker the more I train. Maybe it is the weight that I'm gaining, or I just need some time to regain all my explosiveness after my testing day.

I realise I never really 'train' properly. My training consist low drilling intensity and general mucking around, no real intentions of improving myself, just testing new things or moving around, I need serious drilling, alot of them. If I go to a spot I at least to do a movement that I want to do at least 10 times, each of them with maximum focus. I don't want failed/screwed-up attempts. And I have been neglecting my rolls, stupidly. Secondly, I should keep going for runs, not single moves after single moves. Where's the application, and variety, and efficiency? Mundane trainings makes your body adapted to the same thing, so really, no point. Thirdly, as far as pushing my limits goes, once I hit more then 5 attempts, I should stop, earlier the better. And I should be aware of my posture in midflight, and the landing especially.

And time to really polish up my flips. Roundoff, the slantedness in my backflip, standing front, and gainer. You know, kinda like working on different movements, weaknesses, instead of strengthening your strengths. Imbalances can suck, alot.

Gym training somehow is getting good, 90kg x3x3 was good, I wonder if I can hit 95kg x2x2. 100kg is a must. Deadlifting 100kgx1 for 3 sets this weak, 27.5kgx5 pullups. Bench presses to me not so important, just maintaining really. About 4 more routines till my actual 1rm testing day. I can't wait. Seriously need to have focus while gyming. At this point, form is imperative. After this routine and all ready to power up and transfer all that I've train into the outside world. Deloading and then working on front squats, and plyometrics.

Essentially two videos that I want to create.
Lack inspiration, but no worries, I'll get them well edited.

ARGHRUN! aka 'A.M.A Showreel'. TBR New Year.
CP: In Motion 2. TBR March 2010.

Ah well, no point writing down more, as I already know what I should do.

2 weeks into 'holidays'.

Here's what I got in mind. Part-time job and train all the way, till schools start. Since I need money anyway. Yeah but I won't be working so much, 3 times a week will do. Training's priority, since now I got the time. Job is a something that I need to do to serve as a money-supplier and get working experience. I really have to juggle my priorities well, fit them into a schedule and fend off laziness and procrastination. Shouldn't waste time really, whether or not the O's are over. So save up money, cut down on unnecessary expenses, spend wisely, and finally you gonna have money for LONDON! Next year June will be the year. Hopefully by then I would have 1 or 2 companions. Thats enough, really.

I really want to train to a level where I'll be confident to achieve stuffs in London and Lisses. I don't wanna go there and not be able to really train at all. But I need to understand that for everything, there's always limits. As long as I know when is going too fast or doing too much, I should be sailing just fine. Push myself a little bit is fine, but know when to stop. I can't dream for too much in such a short time. Just keep on training, train hard, train smart. Basics - the most important. Remember to be aware at all times. Full effort each attempt - No half-hearted/unfocussed/done-on-impulse movements. Clear your mind and do it. Constant repetitions, do the best you can for all reps. Work on weaknesses - Wallpasses. Buildering. Climbups. Rolls. Aim for control and all. Height in your sdcs. Getting over high obstacles quick.

Strength trainings on the other hand, I still have the goal in my mind 100kg squat for 1 bloody rep. I think I'm just gonna go gym at least 3 times everywhere (now that it is raining it seems like 4 times is possible too though). I think I'll start the routine very soon, but I'm not sure whether it could work it especially there's so many things that could possibly screw things up - last minute plans, woke up late, chalet, school and work. But yeah I'm just gonna do it. Pullups strength incredibly slackened, but I shall work on it. Deadlifts is so damn easy, but I need to drill them consistently for my back. Let's start the squat fever again, I lost it for so long.

Gonna get my frontflip polished and back up on form, and then drill running gainer and gainer off platform, whipback, roundoff back, slowly stop the slantedness of my backflip too. Train really good standing sides and powerful front, tighter tucks. Move on to concrete, get crane to sides. Softer landings, controlled one by one landings. Don't fight fear, neither do you succumb to it, rather let it go naturally. I believe I'm gonna go to twists once all the above are achieved.

Alright lets not talk so much, you know what you should do.

Lameness.

Exams over, time to play, but more of slack seriously. don't know if i got the enough commitment to find a job.

today at boxfit, trained with tutu for the first half, was a deadlift (core training) day, decided to skip presses, did pullups (which totally sucks) and front squats as a supplementary exercise. that supposed to be the 2nd exercise of the day but things don't go as planned you know - people using the squat rack, one after another. sadly the 2nd person who used it was doing deadlifts, and bent over rows, sharing with another person as well, doing plenty of sets, while me over there waited for minutes after minutes watching them do badly executed lifts, and whole lot of stupidity. those kind of lifts can be done on the floor, but they want the squat rack, fuck sia. share also dont want share, selfish-core, despite several pleas. of course the guy, with his egotistic mindset of i'm better you're just a small kid, went on doing his own stuffs, tried to act big, but failed. i know that if i aggravated the matter enough, i might get punched hard, especially that guy is a trained lifter, big size and all, definitely i can't deal much of impact. hais fuck this kind of people appearing in boxfit, using intimidation to win people. they're childish.

things like this happens and spoils your mood in an instant, making the thoughts inside your mind like a whirlwind - repeated thoughts of the scene, thinking of what ways you could've changed what you've done or just constantly cursing the guy, all these tweaks your facial expression to show the abhorrence of the situation happening right infront of you. boils your nerves, wanting your hands to turn into a fist, giving a knuckle sandwich right there and then. however reality seeps in before your body could go off course - doing such wouldn't rectify the situation at all, in fact it merely worsens it. seriously all you could do is to forget about such stupid people and mind your own business.

just forget about such retarded experiences and focus ahead,
today i got one new move, roll to sideflip. rather easy actually. i think my backflip got better in terms of being able to do it anytime and however i want, although its still lamely slanted. frontflip utterly slackened, used to be able to get so much height from it, now not even being able to control the landing or knowing the time to untuck, need so much more practice still. landings in all are still rather impactful, need to strive for controlled landings now that i can get them to second nature. my roundoff back is ok, i think i roughly know the technique, but needs more practice in a safe area, because it times to travel dangerously diagonally. sideflips getting more align. need to get over fear of gainers in one way or another now, and constantly practice the basics, and apply them into the streets.

impacts impacts impacts, still unable to get myself to do all movements within my level of control. i can land well, save myself well, but all of this not when the movement is too big, or not in the right state of mind (fatigued or unfocused). whatever it is, i should humble my movements and go back to the simple stuffs that are not beyond my ability of control. just no need big moves man.

gonna need to find time to really film, timelapse and artistic shots, and put my angles and camera movements into work, not just little boring angles. and static shots. 23 lame seconds of my video, i got 540 subscribers now, i wonder how much more would ARGHRUN! bring.

holidays now, time for proper training in boxfit, and movements outside, wondering if i could squeeze two days a week of work, and some other days for outings with my friends.

some mini goals. 3 times a week gym, handstands daily (improved alot but still not confident of saying that i could do the handstand anytime and anyhow i want yet), lesser impact lesser pushing, controlled landings all round, more humble, more trainings on frontflips, relax and stay happy.

btw, add-on to the 'traceurs in their delusions' post
"I forgot to mention how elitist our clique are. Self proclaimed 'higher-class' traceurs. We are damn egotistical, face it. Actually, don't just say the more experienced batch, just traceurs in general (however, not all, they are handful of humble ones). Just look at some newcomers, they feel as if they are so good, they HAVE to be respected, any (even minor) insults are taken as if a stab in their reputation. Thus they rebutt to your (rather harsh but truthful) replies thinking they you ain't any better, or 'if' you are, they'll think you're a big shot. Just like us, everytime we see a newcomer doing stupid things, we don't try to correct, instead we try to disgrace them, badmouthing them behind their backs. And we hardly try to teach anyone properly, and label much of newcomers as posers."

Training commences in 5 days time; pre-thoughts.

Seriously weakened in strength and loss abit of power. No longer can I do some standing precision I once perceive as something within my level of ability, albeit nearing the edge of my maximal power output. My mind wasn't agreeing with my body - what I thought I could do, my body failed me. Resulting in impactful landings, bails, and decrease in confidence. Landings was well badly controlled, some stupid bails and knees and ankles feeling so tired... only thing that improved lately is my handstands.

Gym training wasn't too good as well, form didn't really improve, squats felt alot more tiring, pullups was weak - couldn't do 20kg x5 x3, something that I used to be able to do easily.

Whatever it is, conclusion is, I need to get back to training and regain my form.
Starting from basics, landings and rolls. I shouldn't focus on the big stuffs really... just getting back the things that I've done before, with control of course.

Traceurs and Their Delusion.

Thinking about it now...
Traceurs are so blinded by reality. Most of them, not all, but really think... are you guilty as charged?

Single-handedly by far the most delusional intent of a traceur... making a video. Most traceurs are making, getting a camera just to film and create their own videos, causing alot of hype and all. Purpose? Definitely not just 'fun'. If so, how is it not stupid to impact oneself just for creating the most epic video on earth, what's more at the cost of your used-to-be healthy joints.

I think a proper video should be showing every single movement is something I can actually do at the first attempt. Save for some last minute hesitation of accidental cockups, but as long as 90% of the time you can do it, rather easily, that's what a good video supposed to be like... the first shot from the camera = the clips in the video. (except for camera filming cockups...)
That's actually what we should aim for in training, to get everything in the first attempt. Movements near maximum should be reserved for pushing yourself days only - on rare occasions. DEFINITELY not for showing off, thats just suicide.

If you know you can do it, doesn't mean you should actually do it. Only when you are fully confident you can control it, that's when you can give it a shot. Something about SDC is that I always overestimate how far I can go with it and take it as if its not impactful to go full swing. No need to mention anything about wallpass or the impact delivered up your knees each failed attempt.

Showing off, part of human ego? Somehow I feel that traceurs think that they are stronger then the 'typical humanoids'. Probably stronger then pure sedentary ones, but we still have alot to work on. My functionality in strength resulting for Pk to real life is minimal, how am I supposed to believe I'm strong? How 'strong' it is really to jump over distances and climb gracefully, with speed? How 'strong' it is to pullup over 20kg and drive your hips up over 90kgs on your shoulders in a squat? But in the streets, you can't handle a punch, you can't handle endurance running, you can't even carry and move heavy objects or carry out the simplest of tasks... how embarassing to mention that you're strong. Self-defense is a skill, much more applicable then any other activities in life.

I forgot to mention how elitist our clique are. Self proclaimed 'higher-class' traceurs. We are damn egotistical, face it. Actually, don't just say the more experienced batch, just traceurs in general (however, not all, they are handful of humble ones). Just look at some newcomers, they feel as if they are so good, they HAVE to be respected, any (even minor) insults are taken as if a stab in their reputation. Thus they rebutt to your (rather harsh but truthful) replies thinking they you ain't any better, or 'if' you are, they'll think you're a big shot. Just like us, everytime we see a newcomer doing stupid things, we don't try to correct, instead we try to disgrace them, badmouthing them behind their backs. And we hardly try to teach anyone properly, and label much of newcomers as posers.

Saying that parkcore is non-competitive but yet, truly in their hearts, some of them are still competitive. People only trying stuffs after people doing it, always, all the time... and not trying to find their own way. Really?

Alright having stated that, let's not just point fingers and each other, and ponder among yourself.
Really having realised things, I don't know still why can such stupidity occur, at all.

Guilty of showing off. Whether subconsciously or consciously, its difficult to hide...
Guilty of impacting myself unnecessarily, rushing to do stuffs way beyond my league...
Guilty for re-committing mistakes I've foolishly done in the past...
When people's around, a tendency to do something. Truthfully, I wanted to do the dash because I thought it was possible. Looks stared, and fuck, I start to feel that I'm doing it to showoff, because thats how I portray myself to be. My conscience states, I wanted to do the dash. Purpose of getting it film, a milestone of progression and of course telling myself that I've done so, or check for improvements. But I feel like I'm showing off. Subconsciously. That's not utterly bad I guess, because I don't purposely try to want to gain attention, because I know even if I'm alone I'll do it. In fact, I should spend less time filming. It makes you feel like you are getting it on film to showoff that you can do it.
Memories flickered through my mind... what happened to me knee because of that stupid wallpass attempts - near 50 times. For? Getting it on film. For? Attempting to impress.
Impacts are not worth. You are gonna last not for long, and that defeats the purpose altogether. Pushing yourself is good, but too harshly is never. Be aware of yourself and your limits, and be in control of every single movements. IF you know its far beyond your limit to control that movement, then don't. Flips different case though.

CP, please wake up.
Hopefully that's the past and you get your mindset rinsed.

Should anyone approach me and question the reason why I make a video now, or train Parkour, I must be able to answer it reasonably, properly, without any hesitation (and of course honestly, not some made up reasons). That's a show of your clarity in whatever you are doing. That's one problem I have, I can't seem to be able to answer things from scratch, split seconds, and that's why I suck in debates.
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Why do I train 'movements':
Of course, the freedom being experienced, and the understanding of the ability of humans to be constantly break barriers. Purpose? No particular purpose. I just love moving, the feeling each time I do something, achieve something, makes me feel alive.
Flips, serves no way applicable in real life, but so is much of PK. I feel flips is another form of expression, just in rotations, twists, inversions. Fear control.
Why am I really willing to risk my life, and maybe cut short half of my knees lifespan, is because if you consider and typical human being, whose life is to eat alot but yet not stay active, my knees are certainly grow stronger than them. I rather live a life of value, of experiences, and if I die, I will be appeased, knowing when I'm old, I'll be looking back at my videos and tell myself how much I have achieved, something to be proud and happy about, and am willing to face the consequences of whats to come. I'm not saying this so I can just disrespect my body, but it is the fact to know that joint problems are near inevitable.

Weight training:
If you see how much I tend to make weight training to reason to get strong as opposed to conditioning, you know why and how serious am I towards this. And how much I throw away the false accusations of stunt growth due to it. I do squats because, its also another passion, not just a supplementary exercises. Again, being strong includes with and without weights. Main reason still, it is to show that no matter how tough the weights rested upon your shoulders is, the feeling of recruiting every single muscle fibers to execute your maximal strength and power output, one shot, AHHHHHHHHH and you're up, maintain the form and all, that feeling, beats most things hands down. Shows how powerful your body is, and that feeling of boosting your 1rm by Kgs each time round, shows that the impossible never was impossible. I don't do weights for appearance. PLease.

Videos:
Another form of expression. I love being creative as much in video editing and in PK. Translating my thoughts into video form, without any rules or restrictions to comply to, letting people see my creation. Hopefully being intrigued by it. Its about what you do with a simple camcorder, and put together with a video editor, to come up with a fine piece of arts. Everything comes with an interest, and this is mine. I seriously need to start working on short films not just PK and PK and PKKKK.
PK videos are made to showcase progression, but that in mind, I shall be wary to not exceed my limits just to get a good shot on film. If you can't there's no need to force. And to connect with the people in other countries, have seemed to work out quite well, like gaining popularity of our spots. And traceurs have a worldwide bond, I want to share my video with the world. Showing the world what's possible, inspiring people. I love making videos and since I can combine both interests, this could be a starting point of development towards my future filmmaking career.
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Few things to note: Work on rolls, muscleups, handstands, controlled landings in drops and cranes, wallpasses. Gym thrice a fortnight, do homeworks, stop wasting time, practicing handstands, sleep on time, train flips hard after school.
One weekday train, Sunday gym, Saturday slack, One day full swing studies, the rest balance out.

Blog's Stagnance

Not on purpose. Just that I don't feel that there's alot to be blogged about and I'm pouring my thoughts out on my 'personal' blog, where I am posting so much more there as compared to here, because probably I'm no longer thinking of being secretive of my life. So what if people know. But that doesn't mean I want to get more unwanted attention, that's why the training logs of mine are kept in its original place (here). But probably you people should read the other blog too... if you want.

Recent trainings, let me think.
Park core wise I would think it is really improving, especially in precisions (on rails even) and the running armjumps at castle. Wallpass still kinda inconsistent, climbups getting back on form, 180s (cat2cat/pres) are improving massively, catpass at a new higher level (with so much ease @ shinos now), laches are losing power (probably due to lack of practice). Strides more confident, runs are faster, confidence level improving, as my belief is strong (being able to do most movements as height without much hesitation, after awhile), also knowing my limits better. Gotten running precisions are Bishan and Dame Du Lac shows that I'm improving in leg strength. Bails are less (though not completely eradicated). Of course with everything there's area for improvements, that is with rolls, and landings. Rolls is really poserish, as until now I'm not fully confident, and landings are still quite loud at times, not well absorbed. Lost my crane at tree garden, and my crane ain't very strong too.
So three things to work on, rolls and wallpasses and cranes.

Flips wise, can say pretty much the same. I've gotten higher sides, side-to-sides, more comfortable fronts, ok on concrete and being able to do most of the time, albeit sideways sides. Backflips are still weird though. One of the flips I've havent fully figured. Its always moving to the side, and my roundoff back is really off, low. roundoff - another thing that I need to work on. Wallflip, bailed once, probably lost confidence, but I've never been confident with that before. Unable to get height, feels weird and scary, lots of things to work on. Fixing the rotational axis and expanding my repertoire of tricks, the things that top my flips to-do lists. Also, combining flips with Peekay outside.
Handstands can say have improved, but it feels really inconsistent.

Strength training at gym. Haven't got there much, less than 3times each fortnight, but it is all good. Squats have still been the same, of course, pretty much because I've never been training. But still leg strength is improving. Got a napfa test for a shirt thing, got 266cm, furthest ever I've jumped, which is obviously badly landed and probably 98% full force. I feel back pains yesterday, weirdly. A sign for me to stop impacting myself and strengthen my back even more, rest and stretch and some fish oil. So need to train on deadlifts (not maximal though). I'm thinking of the exercises I should do when I'm just aiming to maintain strength... still got lots to learn about strength training. Also, what routine should I undertake when O's are over. I'm still aiming for the ultimate goal 100kg squat x1. Doubtful that I can nail an OAC though.

Nutrition-wise, my weight stands at 52.8kg today, but waxes and wanes between 52 to 53.8(max recorded). I think I should watch my weight a little, not that I'm so vain about fats and stuffs, but hopeful to eliminate most unnecessary bodyfats as possible, so it'll help in my movements. Muscle mass are inevitable, but ain't that bad, hopefully. I hope people don't get the wrong idea that I train for muscles, because really, the results of them are all these trainings. Hmm maybe cut down on chicken skin, big portions of rice, hash browns, oily foods, and eat more fish, noodles or things.

thats all.

Blah.

Training hasn't been very good, I've been lacking motivation, but rather of studying as is my intended purpose of training less, I've been using computer at an overbearing rate of time, much exceeding my usual days when I go out to train. My main reason to not go to gym that often anymore is so I could get more rest and study for the hurdles that's to come. But no. Even flips and movements are getting abit off form, well I mean my sideflips are totally slanted now and my backflips are sloppy. Handstands are getting frustratingly difficult to handle now, so much for playing the computer and not drilling them as much as I did in the past. I don't know why I am spending countless hours, directionless on the computer. Well I understand I have the get my daily dosage of Facebook and Youtube, but once things are done I'm still randomly moving my cursor aimlessly, trying to fill my remaining time of the day on websites that mean nothing to me.

Anyway the Zouk Performance was a blast, which had me getting over the fear of flips on concrete and forget about how sloppy my tricks were and just do it. Granted, it is a small crowd, but my pressure during the performance was nearly zero. Things went so well in the actual performance despite cock-ups in the rehearsals. Best thing was how good we all worked together and getting paid for doing what we like. First time goes a long way.

Money is still a problem for me now, unwilling to spend money, still needs alot of saving up to do, with certain camera problems I'm facing now. Maybe I was overboard. Next week is Sept Holidays and I shall make use of the no-school time to gym and travel abit, BUT still study to prepare for the Big O's. Prelims results will only be released after the holidays, hopefully by then I'm fully charged to the main exams of secondary school life.

Also I found the fun from blogging, and really although it ticks hours away from the clock, it's a way to vent your anger, into pixelated words on the monitor. When people reads, either they understand or misinterpret it.

Fliprogression?

I'm starting to feel improvement in flips especially in the confidence aspects in it. Soon when i get my computer fixed I will make a fliprogression video. AND the UK traceurs jam video. etc. I mean I could do flips on concrete now, without much fear or needed preparations. PK also seems to be improving just fine, SDC is probably the best of it all, but I still need to get my other movements like wallpasses and proper runs all solid. It was a fun day yesterday making a total nuisance at the streets, gotten my long awaited round off back - on hard ground as well. I just have a few more aims.. to get my sideflips in line and backflip too. I am pretty sure all the other movements will come down soon, especially gainer. Gotta need to push my limits more and not be scared of trying new stuffs.. wall sides and fronts.. the only way to get it is by doing it. Just keep training the flips. Handstands also improving.. abit. Maybe I should really get it consistent and start walking around with my hands more often. All part of it. Gonna nail new stuffs every training session. Gym stuffs are also handling well, but prelims are around the corner and olevels inching ever closer. so time is a limiting factor, and i should make sure i make full use of it instead of wasting time doing nonsensical things.... for some time already.

Long time since I've blogged!

Not really.
I should have alot of things to blog about, but my memory span is limited, so I forgetten alot of things. And I have been pretty busy nowadays, school work taking up much of the load, but all these are pretty much excuses as I still got time to waste time on the computer.

Instead of rambling the nonsensical stuffs, time to pour my mind out.
First things first, the jam with the UK traceurs. Was crazy. Got plenty of clips of them but none of PKSG, except for me and one or two of the others, so it kinda sucked. Still havent got my computer settled yet, so now editings can't be done. Or the video would be out already, I guess. Trainings was good, all I can see that is they fear very little, meaning they have incredible confidence for each and every movement they do. They save themselves very well and although pushes their limit alot, their body is still in full control.

Things to be noted :
- As Pahcall is actually much more of a mental discipline, than a physical one, one should focus alot more on the mental side. Not just to philosophical side, but the mental side of movements, that is high elements, instincts, fear, pushing one limits (within one's control still), confidence, knowing your limits well, getting each movements in the first attempt/giving your all in each attempt, and anticipating falls (thus less fear). Again, I trying to stick to the getting one thing new at least each time you train, and you expose yourself to stuffs that you [are scared of/never tried/don't like].

- Speaking of mind and the like, I don't think my mind is that trained yet, philosophically. For instance, I stumbled when being asked the question of 'why do I do this'. I still can't properly decipher my thoughts. Freedom is overly general. I know what I'm doing is right, at least in my mind, but the translation from thoughts to words or speech is harder than I thought. Not too sure, but I do need some ponderings on this issue.

- The UK mentioned about the over backpatting and clapping and cheering after something nailed something huge/new/scary, and about it being a put off and a negative thing, quite contrary to our community's beliefs. True that from our PKSG videos, there's the hype and all with the screams and claps, but it subconsciously create a unnecessary hype and difficulty across the move that the person just did. It isn't very much huge, but because of the fact that we see Anan/Neil/Alex/Shaun did it, means its of a high standard, and we dare not try it because it might seem we are no way near their standard. This is a close sign to competition, but again subconsciously. And it might also trigger a person's thought to want to do the same thing, but just for the claps and cheers. Congratulating a person is good, but we shouldn't overdo it.

- Our communities lacked the mental factor of the discipline. Most of the guys only do it for the sake of doing it, and lack the knowledge of why they actually do it. They might say to others that they know, but how much do they truly understand this art is beknown only to them. We all should place higher emphasis on the spiritual side, not just physical.

- And we don't seem to interact much with the UK traceurs, probably unopened or shy, but they did mentioned we are taking things too seriously, and we should be less tensed up and just be all jovial and have fun in our trainings.

Enough of that. Was hell of a week I can assure you, nailing a couple of stuffs in Buangkok and Bishan, and even in castle. Mostly about SDCs. And high elements precisions and catleap at Buangkok. I'm quite happy with the control of my fear now. But I have to control it so it would not reckless.

Haven't been training much this week, but still have been through abit. At least being told about stuffs from my friends about my foul points. Maybe its true, I lack general awareness and knowledge, and not exposing myself to new things. But other then that are all false analogy. Don't know why, this week havent felt so fulfilling. Don't see much achievements from this week. Just coming back from school and studying for the upcoming tests, and doing homework. And then waste plenty more time on the computer. Its just felt really mundane and all, trainings are have been so-so. Today I nailed a huge 7.5 of my foot SDC2lp, but just once, so it doesnt really count. I shall try it again another day. And I should vary my movement more, not just SDC.

Moodless it is. It seems to be as if direction lost its track. Should look forward to a better week next week.

One more week till..

UK TRACEURS!!
Both top notch traceurs, 4 days fiesta. What's there not to look forward?
Except the unfortunate clashes with school and stuffs. But I'm sure I would be able to compromise.

Ok, back to the normal rants and ramblings you often read in my blogs.
Was quite a hectic start to the school's third term, but all's good. Got to practice alot of Amaths and study more so I have the feeling that I've done something productive. That's what I need to feel to get rid of the guilty thoughts. What's more, I have been consistently practicing handstands at home and it has been improving. Its good enough that its improving, all I need to do now is to keep that up and soon it'll get to the standard where I would then be able to say I could handstand confidently.

I think my flips are rather inconsistent, but I feel some progression in it. It really depends on the day. I could only land a standing side on flat, something I think I will be working on in the next few days. Sideflips are getting better, but sometimes the landing still is abit loud. And one leg off a wall seems to be abit funny, still can't get it inside of me. Frontflips are still sometimes good sometimes bad, but when its good it is really good. I still want to get back my standing front off heights. I lost it because of some phobia. I gotten back my wallflips yesterday. And my roundoff is getting better. I think in a matter of time I should be able to get my RO back. Also need more control in my flips, like better air awareness, land in line with my punch off, clean up my backflip technique, tighter tucking and all.

Flips list yet to be accomplished.
- Standing Side
- RO Arabian proper
- RO Back
- Back layout (on wallflip maybe)
- Standing fronts back
- Gainers
- Wall Sides
- Side to Sides

Park core, on the other hand, nothing much to say. My castle running catleap since to be quite uncontrolled, and the technique seems to be cocked up. Climbups slackened, but precisions seem to improve in terms of control. But still my movements feels kinda impactful. Shoes dying out. Have cut out the time taken to prepare for a move, slowly seeing the progress, should get rid of it soon. I almost gotten the huge wallpass at Simei, but would take my time for it. Need to get better softer landings, even on catleaps. Yeah so a couple of progressions here and there, just need to work on consistency. Better landings. Less impacts.

I hope my files in the other computer still stays intact. Going to fix it this saturday. Very last minute. Need to learn my lesson to back up everything. Not the first time that such had happened. It is really irritating, don't know what am I going if I lost the files. Sydney guys and the other unused footages. And my Vegas program, and my music files, video files. Shit man, I bought a 180gb ext. hard drive but did not save my stuffs in it. Why? Too lazy. And I should use tapes properly. No overwriting but saving it. Shit man.

OH well. Pray hard things goes fine.
More things up in my other blog. Now more frequently updated.

Must, be, motivated.

Quite a series of changes, that needs to be applied as soon as possible.

I think I should cut down alot on the time I spent rather aimlessly on the computer. To about 2 hours on the school days. Spend more times training and studying (more so studying), and knowing how to balance the time altogether. Probably 2hours of gym/normal training, at max. Shorter all the better. More socialising but studying with friends for sure. I would aim 3 hours of studying a day at least. Productive studying. Sleep early, wake up earlier, pay attention in class. Do homeworks, and practice alot.

I think there's nothing else to motivate you but yourself and yourself alone. That's the most powerful motivational tool you would ever need. Once you get that, its just how much effort you work towards your goals and all to get it all sorted out. I'm so gonna aim high for prelims, and maintain it throughout. But so far I have alot of work to do. I keep forgetting the past theories and practices that I've done, so need to keep doing to get it in my mind. Maybe my past results shows that I'm actually quite good but in actuality I'm not. And I hope I don't peak too early.

Music is seriously an addiction now. I suddenly got myself indulged in certain awesome new songs, but sadly my computer's (which is in a total wreck now) speaker is spoilt. And I can't transfer songs into my phone (which is pure sucky anyway). And I want to study with some music because its just so nice. Hope my computer would be repaired and every file and things remain fully intact. And get a new walkman phone, WOOTS.

FLORENCE AND THE MACHINE IS CURRENTLY ROCKING IT.
HIT THE LIGHTS COMES SECOND.
not forgetting all the rest. I'm starting to experience a change in my favourite genre. Drum and bass does not stood out like it did in the past anymore. INDIE ROCK.

Also, I think I'm closer to my friends now. Maybe just abit, but I think its much better then the times before. We shouldn't forget that they are one of the most important things in life, and we should cherish as much as we can now. Much less stumbling and awkwardness when talking to girls. But I should also need to know my limits when it comes to jokes and opening my mouth. Like accidentally blurting out something that shouldnt be told or being overly too bastard. YES.

OK haven't really gone into the training aspect.
My wrist is abit fucked for awhile, but its healing up I guess. Handstanding too much. ARgh. If I don't do, will feel guilty, if do, wrist pain, then guilty also. How confusing eh. Flips haven't improved too much, but I would think my frontflips are really good now. Yeah I think my trainings still abit impactful, and I lack control still in my SDC2P (like going down one especially). And I still need to give my full in each attempt, but learn not to overprepare yourself. Focus in all circumstances, still bailing unnecessarily and I want to cancel out all bails and even stupid impacted landings.

Bishan ytd was fun, but my shoe is seriously going to die. The area, maybe grippy, but still makes you slide like nothing, and the sound on each overly downwards catleaps on the walls is unforgiving to the ear, like slicing away 0.1mm of your soles each time round. I don't know really, I would hate to change my shoe as it havent even last for more then half a year yet and training at Bishan would inevitably means the tearing of soles. Should take care of my shoes more. On the brighter side, I nailed a larger cat2pre and also and SDC2P (finally). But trained abit too much, wasted alot of time with friends, something I must control now.

Gym training, muchly postponed and I doubt I would have time to have a routine or something as of now. But still would go to gym, just gonna make it short and sweet. It's going well at the moment, soon gonna work on front squat and deadlifts, pushing my bench press as well, I would think of a routine to peak somewhere around the O'levels period. Prelims and all coming right up this August, July would already be packed enough with practicals, O's listening and orals, and the 4 days jam with the UK guys, so there's really so much coming up. Planning a timetable for sure, getting myself all motivated.

I shouldnt spend anymore longer blogging, but be sure to read my "deeenester.blogspot.com" for more. AIK.

Records!

Just came back from jim, gotten myself two new personal records.
Let me update my PR list.

Personal Records (as of 19 June 2009)
Full squats - 92.5kg x 1rep
Pullups - 37.5kg x 1rep
Deadlifts - 85kg x 3reps
BenchPress - 60kg x 3reps
MilitaryPress - 40kg x3reps
Front Squats - 60kg x5reps

What happened today. I think I didn't do too well with the squats. I got the main aim of 90kg rather easy so I went to go for 92.5kg, which I think I can handle rather easily as well, so I didn't put my heart and soul to get it up as I know I would already be able to do it (overconfident, complacent, again). So just get down I thought I could got up easily, but no I didn't, it was a badly forced rep with rounded back and I was really unsatisfied with it. Was rather reckless knowing this as a 1rm test I should put my effort for solid form but no. Mimics a huge drop with horrible back rounding in the landing. 92.5kg, how come I am not realising that poor form would mean bad things. So lesson learnt AGAIN.
Nevermind about that. Thought I would give my proper all in a second try in order to make things up. Was alot better the second try. Proper form. So I would consider that as a proper PR. Pullups on the other hand, was on a much higher note. I got my first goal of 30kgx2 rep, then easily nailed 32.5kg, and 35kg was still submaximal. 37.5kg where I thought would be my final one, put all my effort into it, got it well. Was quite a good improvement from the last 28kgx3rep record.

Both records was good. Both showed good progression towards my main goal. 100kg squats (2plates) would be a goal to get by this year (if possible, 100kg for reps), and probably do 40kg pullups for a few reps is good enough. Need to do more OAC negative, something I never train at all... So I guess the next routine will be around August, final routine of the year. Probably should hit those goals at the end of the year. I'm nearing them in just half a year, so with enough hardwork I should easily get them with some time to spare. I hope. Lets not be too confident.

Deloading in the meantime. And before the new routine I would like to touch up on my benchpresses, frontskwats and alivelifts. Probably I want to get a new record for my deadlifts (3rm), should be easy, and front squats to 70kg. Slowly. Just get good frontsquatting form and benchpress, I think just maintain. Maintain all my lifts and go for reps and good form instead of heavier ones. Getting use to the weights now instead. Just make use of spare time to polish up everything. Train my lowerback. Power. All this so I can exceed squatting plateaus. I have no idea what to do for the next routine, so some research would be needed as well.

On the other hand.. movements.
I hope I get it. Ever since the huge SDC2P nailed at Chong Pang, I have always been finding bigger, further sdc2p to do as to push my limits. Same goes for most things. Then realising theres no biggie about getting big big stuffs. There's much more important things to go for rather then those. Rushing your way there wouldn't get your anywhere, the most just shortening the lifespan of your knees. So, its better not to. Also, I'm bored of just doing sdc, sdc and sdc. There are other more important stuffs to train for, and its just stupid to train on one thing.

As human, we are all entitled to changes. In the past, its all about how wide a table can you dive kong over. Or dash. About what kind of vaults you can do, how high you can go. Then just abit of change, then all of sudden its climbups. Best climbups, fastest, straight armed climbups. The cleaner the better. Then you get to know more about PK. You know its not about climbups only. But I think the main craze is to get the further SDC now. It is like the traceur trademark, huge catpasses. At least that's what I see in Singapore, but I'm pretty sure other countries are, too. Quite alot of emphasis placed on SDCs. But nowadays, its all about strides and leg power, buildering as well, that is in the UK.
Gotta need to vary everything, not just SDC or wallpasses or far precisions. This includes flips and things, work on my weaknesses. I need to drill more on my control in my precisions and landings. Can't stick stuffs well, landings loud and uncontrolled. Still not used to rolls. So need more practice.
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SUNDAY's update.
Yesterday training was quite good, went to Buangkok, and of course, loving the place.
That is, for peekaye. Flips are kinda fucked up, but I just need to keep drilling, I guess. My backflips are like, amazingly so hard for one who have gotten it for so long already. It just feels so weird. I hate my backs, but shouldn't dwell to much on it. Each bail means -20% of what I've learnt. Screw up the muscle memory so bad. Still can't get a soft landing on it. Sideflips are getting weird too. Travelling diagonally, flailing up in mid air, lost its touch and feel, and not getting the height I used to get. Don't know why. Need to fix it up.

On the brighter side, I've gotten a further running catleap (the one a buangkok) and a higher one (damedulac), was pretty happy with both achievements. Both shows the strength I've gained and better technique. My landings was good that day, and no bails (excluding flips I suppose). Only did one SDC2p for a change, haha. But on normal catleaps I seem to neglect the other leg, so placing too much force on one leg in a cat don't seem good. Still trying to get better landings and saves. I know the technique for you know those jump high and place two legs high on the top of the wall but not exactly precision. Just got to absorb it properly, stick to the wall awhile, then slide down and grab the wall.

As much as it seems repeated, and rather obvious, I need to drill my flips, place more priority on them rather then pk. Because I'm long satisfied with my pOrkcore and all I need is better flips. So more practice on them. Still having fear with them and taking a rather long time to prepare myself for it. Don't know whats with that. Lost my wallflip too I think, and my lache gainer is just rusty. I need alot more practice. I used to have solid flips quite some time ago, but not sure why, things just gone down the drain. Let's not think negatively, just practice and I'll get there. Let's hope to learn more with the aussies and brits come.

Went to gym today, first day of deloading, and my pullups was the main issue. I can't complete 3sets of 5 with 60%1rm. Maybe it is because I'm only good with strength not endurance. And I rely alot on my recovery. Like sometimes its good (when fresh), sometimes its sucks (when tired). On other exercises they are okay and rather consistent. Not for pullups. All my forms of exercise can be better, too.

Got school on Mon, Tues, Wed, from 8am-6pm. So I can only train my flips during the breaks I guess. Take a small 3 day break from the gym as well. Interaction time.

Should spend less time blogging.
Main thing now, is to think positively, and practice more flips.

Handstands here I come.

Twists and Turns

I'm just bored out.
This week isn't much of a good week.
Probably it is my mindset made it such.

I'm fell sick, couldn't train for today, slacking all the way. Can't exert any force on myself. Then the guilt of not training flips and handstands comes back. Internal conflict much. Was I lazy? Giving excuses such as I'm sick and weak. Or was I just listening to my body. Hopefully the latter. Still don't like the feeling though.

The next week would be pretty packed and I'm hoping it to be solid.
Routine's coming to an end, 3 more workouts. Time flies indeed, 5 weeks has flew past, 2 weeks of holidays are gone, but still not using time to any advantage. Everything will be getting tougher. Progressed in squats, so I hope I could finish up the last 2 main routines well. It's gonna be really hard but all the best to me. Pullups too. Then I remembered, I haven't been practicing OAC. Hope convenient it would be for a pullup bar at home. Too bad. And I seriously need to start training properly and not keep repeating the gloomy words here in my blog back-to-back each week.

Monday and Tuesday was just homeworking and just a 'rest' gym session. Was a good way to socialise more with friends. Finally got over the barrier, just gotta keep it up. Talking about homework, I better start doing some because there's no point slacking the day away, aimlessly surfing the net for god knows what reasons. I'm just too bored.
Wednesday was fucked. I thought of practicing abit of flips in school during break, was ok until one overrotated onelegged front caused me to bang into a pole. I also don't think of the consequences of bailing. I still bail quite often if I consider the small and stupid ones. So I couldn't go to gym because squatting would hurt my thigh. I just can't afford to bail, like why does it always happen. The feeling sucks. So slacked the whole day, and slept. Woke up to no good, mood spoiler and just wasn't a good day for me at all.
Thursday I achieved my 85kg x3x3 Squats relatively good and 26kgx3x3 pullups. Was a good workout day, satisfied alright. Went to Bishan straight after. Was fun and funny, trained abit and it was cool. But then, I felt I pushed myself just too much (to be honest I feel abit of knee pain when I went home). Like again, internal conflict, was feeling fucked about what happen yesterday, so wanted to vent it all out. Bishan was a shoe killer. But I nailed stuffs, mostly relating to tictacs. I still can't nail the sdc2lp at the first spot, my other leg is just inches below from the edge and I just can't put two legs up I don't know why. Should be able to nail them soon though.
Friday, went to swimming again with my friends. Was damn fun, slide was super shiok. Sengkang swimming complex. I suck at swimming so much but I felt progression. Started to be able to tread water but still struggling alot sometimes I'm kinda like struggling to survive while playing with my friends. Didn't train at all. Just handstands at night.
Saturday was ecp. Didn't train much too, just don't have much of a mood. I nailed a huge lache at the fitness corner but it could've been more controlled. Still have no guts to try a gainer, probably going to some condo's private swimming pool to attempt it. Roundoff back sucks I don't know whats so hard about it. I should practice my roundoff more. Then, after eating at burger king (spent nearly 8 bucks), went back to the blue rails spot. I bailed a sideflip there on concrete - shows how weak my flips are. Luckily nothing really happen, but just to know that I've bailed yet again really shows how unfocussed you are. What's more when you start to get more higher level, you just can't afford to bail. Need to start drilling flips alot, but I always do pk more then flips. Need self-discipline man. Then at night I felt that my head's heavy, which then I realize I'm feverish.

Seriously need to spend less and save up more. Just eat the most 4 dollars, would be good if its lesser. Eat simple, and proper. Don't keep succumbing to temptations for good oily, sugary food. You know you want to go to england soon, so you better start saving up, don't spend it anyhow.

My computer is fucked up and I can't use Vegas and neither can and copy and paste files. I just hope like please, that all my clips and songs will still intact when somebody repairs this computer. I must have those files, they are limited edition. I just can't lost it. I always live it to the last minute to save backups but then I'm always too lazy to do so. But once the computer gets fucked, I'll get fucked too. Hais..

Somehow all of my posts are all in negative light, never seem to be happy or what. Most of the time disappointed and criticising myself. Always thinking about the shortcomings, never focussing on the positive. Thats why I always ended up in a bad mood and thus a bad week. All having a negative influence to what's to come. Kind of contradictory because life should be lived in happiness. Should start being more positive.

Starting tomorrow.

Flips Progression: Stagnant?

Much.

Let me see. This week passed quite fast amazingly.
1st of June was my Olevel's Chinese and I'm mentally prepared to see fail grades - again. Not like its a very suprising thing to happen, especially when I don't seem to even give effort in bettering it. Or I could just blame myself of not being adept equally in both languages at the start. But, no point crying over spilt milk now, as its already over. I should then put more efforts in the other subjects now. Lets not be complacent either...
So after that I went on to train at the gym, which is my first workout of the second stage (intensification phase). Turned out really damn well and I'm happy with how it went. After that went to castle and train some more, but mostly slacking and refining flips...

The next day was slack, just studied out with friends, trying to socialise and stuffs.. finished out one of my maths homework.

Then wednesday, went for training again at the gym.. wasn't very good because was tired, so I don't know.

Thursday went to yishun to train. Nailed my furthest SDC2P. I'm not very sure about the no. of footsteps but its about 7 and its high to abit low. Kinda amazing the satisfaction that you get when you nail it. Rail precisions seems to be much better.. although the fear is still there.. kind of. I bailed a dash to pre, was like very reckless as I just went for it when I'm not fully sure I could. I kinda lost my dash pre technique, and I really need to retrain for it. Gotta work on that for sure. Also, still can't nail the DB wall, so my mood is kinda ruined.

Friday, I went to gym. Not too bad again, but I think the form can be better. Nonetheless my squats are have never been failing reps yet but pullups yes, although I made it this workout. So its all good. The next weeks are gonna be killers, though.

Saturday was the Tamp jam that I've been waiting for as I could finally see my friends which I admit, I haven't really met for some time. Was not a very bad day actually. I got my wallflip, which was a great achievement for the fact that I haven't nailed any new trick for a long time. My roundoff back is still kinda off but I'll train hard for it. Wallflip isnt really that hard but I still don't fully get the technique. And its still kinda scary, but easy. But my sideflip on flat is crap, inconsistency is bad... Other then flips, my peekay is not that bad actually, improvements. I could nail the running cat quite easily now and nailed the further one, although shoddy. The one on the rail was nailed too. I nailed the crane at tree garden, although wasn't very good, but still landed. So good achievements in terms of leg strength and peekay. So FLIPS ARE MAIN PRIORITY.

Sunday (today) went out and train. Train some runs at the beginning for fun. Was fun. Then time to flip. Got back wallflip not long after, but its just weird. I can only do it with two step run up. I tried on the other walls and fear striked into me as well. But I went forward to just whack a wallflip with a longer run up and I freaked out and bailed. I took me damn long to get it back again. Internal conflict, mind and body. About 30minutes of running to the wall and telling myself I can, then i finally got it back. Battle with fear, I'm not sure why did I get so scared right after that. I think too much. And I seriously hype and tensed myself up before every move. Seriously unnecessary. Thinking too much. Unlike PK. Sideflip was still bad and backflip still going forward. Seems like flips isnt the thing for me.. irritating.

Oh well. Not very good things goes as flips are concerned. Again, I'm not trianing properly. I just need to do the least of 5 to 10 'perfect-as-it-can-be' flips of each kinds everyday and thats it. But I'm not doing so. In fact, each training session is making my flips worse, because of bad muscle memory imprints. I shouldn't do runs at first today, making me tired and that'll cost the quality of my flips. Hais, no wonder flips are not improving. Even when I tell myself to jump up, I still don't, and sometimes I'll just freak out, making things worse. Flips, are hell.
My flips used to be quite good about 2months back. But because of the lack of practice, my flips suckened. I need to start practicing alot on my flips, just flips rather then pk.

Handstandings, something I must do everyday. So far in this week I did indeed practicing abit of them. But I should do it everyday. This computer is really something that I can't live without. I'm just damn addicted to it. I'm also not studying, neither am I homeworking.

I hope I can use my time more productively. This is somethign that is repeated ever so often in the blog, kinda the new repetition of the past "overpushing myself" saga, but still all these is due to the lack of self control. Sometimes I feel I spend alot of time blogging, because I got so distracted and can't complete it from the start.

Lets not talk to much and sum up my goals now.
- Flips practise - short and full effort in each flip, 30minutes or summat. As much as I can
- Handstanding - 15minutes at night for every night
- Start studying/homework - 2 hours daily for as much as I can in a week.
- Socialise with friends - but remember slow and steady.
- Stop tensing myself up or take too much time to prepare for a move.
- Keep everything safe - low impact and controlled and no bails.

No time to train, or plain lazy, or needs a break?

I guess I know why I'm always stuck with the same level of progression.
No use complaining when the fact is there that I don't even practice my flips much, neither do I train them properly. Repetitions, doing them everyday... There was once my flips improved quite fast because I was doing them alot, but I still have the thought that they are very 'big' and would need alot of power to do them or something, so I'm lazy to do them. Its unlike PK where you can just do the things after awhile but flips, its alot more technical. That's only because I'm not used to it and I should just do them more without excuses.

I said I wanted to work on my flips hard for this year but I don't think I'm anywhere near that goal yet. It's not because my flips sucks, but that I'm not working towards it. Like this, whats the purpose of that goal... handstands are still shit, the only reason why I took so long is the short amount of time spent on it, nothing else. I don't wanna rush progression and all and I know it isn't easy to gain progress, but of course, with practice comes natural progress, something that I've not been doing.

This week was incredibly packed and rushed. Really tired although there're some good points. The first day, I was released from school only around 5 then I went straight to gym. After that eat, bathe, use comp all the way. Never study or practice handstands. Ok, flips, maybe understandable, although its still shouldn't be an excuse. Wastage of time?
Tuesday I went out with friends to watch movie.
Wednesday I was dead beat tired because I'm again released after 5 and I knew if I were to go to gym I would be tired and wouldnt be able to complete the routine. So the whole day was rest. Didn't do anything the day before and this makes two rest days in a row, not good.
Thursday went for the routine, was sick, very happy with squats, 70kg x 6reps x 6sets done quite damn well, but pullups was pure shit, 20kg x6 x only3sets, with already lowered weight. Maybe endurance is not a thing for me with pullups, needa start training them for abit, after this routine.
Friday I went swimming (now sunburnt) and then went to eat at Seoul garden, wasting alot of money and stuffing myself with food overly, then went on to train with Richie. Nothing much just abit of drilling, my movements are pure sloppy still, the Stephen's Wall is kinda irritating as it always ruins my mood for wallpass.
Today (Saturday), I went for strength training for my routine. Was ok, but sometimes I feel my form somehow sucks, but I shouldn't stress about it that much. And now I feel my routine is a little bit tiring and getting in my way of training flips, but I shouldn't give too much excuses.

In school, although studies are stressful and boring, I managed to get some fun time with friends, more this time. At least I'm closer with friends and can talk to more people without awkwardness, although I wanna interact more with girls. That is also the reason why I went swimming and ate with them - to spent time out with friends, at the expense of Richie waiting for me (so damn sorry man, another habit I need to get rid of - being Zahid alot). And my results, 7 in class, 19/187 in level position. Maybe its stupid to compare rankings, because you are studying for better grades not to be the best, in the end what matters is the L1R4 which I got 10. My goal is anything <10 for L1R4, Chinese Olevels this monday wouldn't be so important as I know I would be using it for L1R4, but I'm trying my best to pass.

Strength training routine, hmm. Will be getting alot harder this week, pure maximal power output in the next week especially, and this week stuffs will already be alot harder. If I were to get the goal of the routine of a single rep 92.5kg squats, then I'm considering the fact that I'm halfway there. I'm not sure what routine I can go next but probably I'll peak at that routine in my 100kg squat. Maybe too early to plan, but I'm not sure anyway. I'm abit pessimistic of getting the OAC (due to the lack of work for it) by this year, so instead I'll plan to get like 40kg pullups as a substitute, that'll be good enough. Just gotta keep training hard, practice OAC now!

Nutrition needs work, I'm putting too much calories then needed. Protein is all good but just too much unneeded carbs and fats, calories too. I should cut down on oil. That day at Seoul Garden, just ate alot of stuffs. Been eating KFC and stuffs like that more often and not caring about the chicken skin. Maybe I was thinking that once in a while it doesn't matter, but I've gone way too far. What's more all these wastes money, I should control myself a little more, you gotta save whatever you can, so save up man.

Got a thought of swimming though, my swimming sucks to the core, I can barely swim. Somehow not very confident to swim to save my life. I need to learn the essentials, practice more, especially the technique to tread water, and of course the front crawl. With it, at least I wouldn't be scared to drown if I were to dive off cliffs in the future, or for survival.. I went to flip into the water but get caught by the lifeguards, bloody hell. It sucks to know just one flip that I did (gainer), and I almost got kicked out the second later. Lame swimming pool with the lame gym in it, the next time I swim I make sure I go to somewhere where diving is allowed, like Jurong or something.

Don't know why I'm feeling kinda stressed and tired nowadays, probably because I'm thinking too much about things that don't need too much attention.

All I know now is that I should put more work on things that I want to improve (which includes studies) so I should stop being lazy and waste my stupid time on the computer too much. Hais.

Slight deterioration?

This week I did abit more training, which means more thoughts.

Monday was my last day of exams, unofficially. So after that 3 papers, met Zahid in boxfit so he could help me film stuffs. After that, about night time, I went to film some timelapse, all night cars timelapse. Only like one or two turned out good though.
But theres one guy who randomly spoke to me upon seeing me with my (awesome) camcorder. He was finding young videographer and photographer to help him out with some community project and stuffs. I was not really interested but just got him entertained. I'm just so lazy to go for all these shit, unless there is money involved. I admit, I tend to be a little tight fisted, and stingy, but I really need the money for my travel funds and I must start to save up if I don't want to get a job. I think I'll start to pay back Ashton some cash and get my track pants and probably a Kalenji. That will then mean 0 travel funds again..

Money is abit too big an issue to handle. I would probably need to work after my O's, which I would definitely hate to do, unless there is a really good high paying job that I could find... and then I can satisfy my travel funds. So many destinations to go to. I hope I can get about 3k -5k. And another thing that I wanna get now is a bicycle. And an Ipod too... See first.

Tuesday was training day, but was quite impactful and I was really tired that day so I ended up doing nothing much. I just trained sideflips abit and went for the wallsideflip and failed miserably. I feel that the variations of the moves are so much harder, like almost a different flip altogether. Simple thing such as landing one leg and a time or going into another flip straight after seems so difficult. Even roundoff back I have problems with, probably the roundoff. My height in my fronts are still inconsistent. Sideflip is good, but it can be better. I want to get new flips soon, I need to widen my repertoire.

And I totally lost my double kong.

Wednesday was the real last day of the exams, went to school same timing just to take a 30minute paper. Went straight to gym after that, where Zahid came again, and distracted me again... and he went to my house and I uploaded the video. Which I finished the day before, but got problems with internet. My computer currently have no space for more video so I need to really clean things up. Good thing June holidays are around the corner, although its fully packed still.

Now the video... I would be fast to say I did not put in my all to it. It's just a simple compilation of normally filmed clips and it did not turned out super great. Especially with the voiceovers which I had overlooked the difficulty. So it was a total fail on my part, failed attempt on a 'documentary' in which the idea did not fit too well either. Like mixing Sydney Parkour in my own thing. So it was also a wrong move. Indeed I rushed it alittle too much because I did not have enough patience. But I think I put in quite some effort and the editing fitted well too, so whatever, haha. I'll try to make better videos, with filming needing the most work now.

After the gym on wednesday with Shaheed, went on to Clarkequay for abit of training and filming. Before that I did some training at my house void decks, glad to see I've nailed the low to high precision jump that I was aiming for, and abit of progression in jumps. But I forced myself too much time and time again at this really far 7.5 footsteps (of mine) SDC2LP. I always thought to myself inside that it is impactful and bad to push limits when it is just obviously too big, but still thought I could give it a small try just to note progress or something. See my poor self control in action.
OK lets stop digressing, Clarkequay now. My SDC haven't been too good in terms of progression and especially in control. I can no longer control the sdc2p and my sdc2cat was barely made it as well. My shoe is also gonna wear out so soon, the freaksion is deteriorating fast. Haven't tried wallpass for a long time, gonna be making it my weakest again. Tsk tsk. Was really tired halfway through, again. My focus now is to get controlled landings and precisions (including SDC2p). The running precision I did in the "this is me" is bullshit now I can't even do it. I guess I can only do it on certain days when I'm hyped. This usually occurs in jams, which I find weird. On those days I feel I have added power but the day after I felt like I lost it all. Weird shit. Flips training was also bullshit, I don't know what is so hard landing it one foot at a time man.. Gonna need to work on it...

Thursday was a good rest day.
Or not.
There's a little bit of progression in terms of socialising and friends now, I felt I'm closer with the friends I am with, and we managed to share the ups and downs of life together. They could understand me which I'm really happy about. But still I have trouble at times about talking to (certain) girls, which I must, just, speak up to now. Time's running out, what, it's June already (soon).
And.
I got back my results that day. Wasn't that great, but was still good. Not satisfied with Chinese (as usual), Amaths and Chemistry. The rest was fine but of course can still improve (like c.humans and english). Maybe my expectation is high, as I think I'm already considered very good among my peers, I just wanna get a one digit L1R4, or the least <11. I wouldn't say I performed very badly, but my Chinese, Olevels coming so soon, and I must pass it at least. Just get it over and done with, WELL.

Friday, which is today, I went to gym I got my 70kgx5repsx6sets which is good, but my pullups were total crap and I stopped after like 4 sets because I knew I'm too tired. Next week would be the final week of the volume phase, with the toughest of workout left to go.
Right after that I went to castle. Did more training. I think it was even more impactful as I did stuffs that I had poor control over. I was wanting to train my mind by doing the "one new thing each day" thing, and I got one of them. Which I think I'm satisfied with, but the another thing that I was quite frustrated over is the precision that I did last week and today I seem to take alot of tries. Which sucks when you know its a high elements and I must aim to get it in the first go. And all this missed drops seemed to build up alot of impact. My precisions lack control and I'm not fully confident with them at heights. It felt like I can no longer estimate the distance up high and I'm not sure how much power I need to use when I know the jump is really simple. I need more repetitions. But I'm getting back my confidence with rail precisions. Goodie.
Did not do runs today as well.

I got a really bad habit about the stuffs I do. Like flips and the seemingly big stuffs, I just take too much time to prepare and focus, and some unnecessary 'hyping up' on top of it all. Just breathe in breathe out, focus, thinking of how you're gonna do it, and then, DO IT. No need for so much preparations. Too much ain't good.

(UPDATE)
Saturday.
I woke up late two saturdays in a row, 1pm. So I was late for DB's jam and I was kinda lazy as well since over there is raining. Anyway, I still went out to train, rather unplanned, but since it didn't rain and I was itching to do something. In the end I went to castle AGAIN to drill stuffs. My pharkhour had improved but flips are still the same, rather bad. I'm happy of the stuffs, mostly leg power, that I could nail, the running cat is consistent now and I can land 2 hands nicely now, without totally alot of effort and the wallpass at the hdb blocks at castle are easee.
I felt my flips never improve, and the feeling sucks to the core. Its like, despite how easy the backflip is, when I learnt it like 1.5 years back, my backflip is still low as hell. I think others can do it much better with least time spent as well. Frontflips and sideflips shows no progress. Might even be 'deproving'. Sucks, but I really need to start practicing them more since they are my aim for this year.
-
So movements, few goals.
More control in movements.
Faster.
More confident - stop taking to long before a move.

Exams finishing soon...

but I can't really slack after it. There's still prelims, and finally O levels. And it gets even more stressful... I hope I did well for my mid year, but I'm not fully confident. After this year, it is finally time to slack! I'll finally have so much more freedom, not sure about the life in poly, but definitely some time off from studies. So main thing now is, work hard this year, and get this year over and done with, well.
But I wonder if I would need to work for money, so, I really can't say.

This week, I started my (strength training) routine, looks to be a really tough routine soon to come, but I'll have to endure. Of course I must learn from my past mistakes - listen to your body, don't force yourself to do reps just to keep your workout clean or what. You just work towards your goals, if really can't, don't think too much for it. Take things slow. And of course, keep the form good all the time. I'm starting to feel good progression from all the workouts.

Movements wise, I think I'm starting to feel much better in flips. Not getting frustrated, bad landings - so what, all part of learning and training. Its really a sacriface if you wanna flip, i'm just gotta put in my all in each movements and get better landings. But all's good now, sideflips are quite soft, but whatever it is, I need like so much more practice to get all my flips to the next level. I'm gonna start properly practicing my backflips soon. Solid basics!
Actually I didn't really train movements this week, only Friday, where I went to Bishan when its raining. But I still did some productive training, flips. And some small movements. I guess I'm gonna be up for some more training this week, maybe more time alone though, I wanna change things.

I'm abit lethargic nowadays, mentally, because I got no rest, right after 3 papers, once I come home, I don't have much time to rest, I have to go straight to studying again. And I gotta study again later for 3 papers tomorrow again. But after that I get to have a good rest, but not for long.

That's how school have been. I'm trying to get even closer with my friends by going out with them more. Don't forget, its the last year together, and I should seriously start spending some time with them. My social life isn't that fulfilled, I've been misplacing priority. Interaction between friends are still little, I'm still wondering whether anyone take me seriously, or treats me as anything more then a typical friend. And I still can't talk to girls. This sounds emo, but thats how the public sees one pouring out their thoughts. Sometimes people (including me) just couldn't help but to see things how the rest sees.

I'll started editing the video, but I'm not sure whether its good or not, so I'm gonna spend some time brush it up. Gotta need to film one or two more timelapse, then it should be roughly settled, probably done this Friday. I lost my mic foam windscreen, like wtf. I don't know how did it dropped off, it sucks. Not sure whether I'm gonna get a replacement...

I can't help but to say this, but I think alot of the community is still competitive, and showoff. Yeah, we all know its bad and all, but we still do it. Maybe its just human, and its not very wrong too, as competitive helps to push you and showing off raises your self esteem, albeit in a 'wrong' way. And because of this, we all you such excuses to reason yourself thats its okay to do all this. We have in our mind, thinking that we are better then some guy, especially towards newcomers, then when he does something you guys don't believe he could, then you would be tempted to try it, sometimes to a extent where you try to nail it all because he could. Or say/think stuffs like "he can, I should be able to as well lah." Don't wanna say names, so I'm just addressing everyone because I'm somewhat guilty as well. Probably some competitiveness and won't hurt bad, but yeah, you know where I am getting at.

UK standards are really high, everybody is getting so good, nothing compared to Singapore's standards. Gotta need to train harder before we head there!

Time is wasted, so much, hais.

What've I been doing?

I have mixed thoughts.
Exams approaches, this is the first step, am I gonna prepare yet? Olevels hitting us hard in 5 months, and just 5 months, not too long man. What do I actually want now? The whole point of your secondary life is to prepare for this major O's, after that, you have overcame the one of the huge hurdles of life. No matter what your thoughts is, whether it being rational or not, does not matter at this point, because there is no choice, as there is none for opt to not enter national service, to get this major exams done and WELL. There's no other option but to score now. For that to happen, you gotta study, you gotta work, instead of wasting your time, procrastinating, slacking, doing nothing.

What have you learnt over the past 2 years mistakes in training? Mistakes after mistakes, time and again. Where's your self control, what's the point of yourself regretting over and over again, and then rant those regretful thoughts out here (letting people like Zahid making fun of you in the end)? Forget about bails and injuries, but how you keep pushing yourself doing things too big and somewhat reckless, which results in the former? Do you want to live long, stay healthy? What purpose does it serves to progress fast, impacting yourself in the process, when you got all the time in the world? Have you remembered what happened just a year back when you ended up with some knee problems due to forcing yourself to nail something which is not well within your reach? Control before everything else. Respect your body, please. And this must be your last time saying this.

You got about 5 months+ of school life now. And this will be the last year of secondary school, last year meeting your friends, but are you cherishing it? Or do you just wait and wait for the time to past, and when things are all over, you start regretting again, which is pure pointlessness. Forget about thinking that you sound stupid, or making yourself worse of then before, its obviously worse if you don't talk at all. Moreover, this is the final year. Time flies, fast.

Golden goals? What are goals if you don't even work towards them. I don't see you working towards handstands and such. All the time you say you are studying but are you? Or are you just blankly staring at the papers, giving excuses to yourself to do something else, and in the end, nothing gets done, and you try to fight against time for it. Whats the point of thinking that you will finish up all your work but at the end of the day you are only satisfied with just half your work done, due to the fact you are playing computer aimlessly for hours. Why settle for a small score when you know with discipline, you can go big? Its just the lack of fighting spirit. If only you can push as hard as you do in pushing your limits in training. There's a right place for everything.

Somethings gets done, good. Fred sampler is finally done and dusted, 1 new scary thing each training session, interaction between friends. But its not good enough man, never good enough. Never settle for something small when you know you could do better, in stuffs like this. You got quite a good mindset in lifting and flipping, but why not in pahcore? You shouldn't aim not to be bail, but not to recklessly push limits and impact yourself, because with that, you won't be bailing, provided you give due focus. Time for this is limitless, so take things slow.

I don't want to talk too much.
I don't want to waste too much time.
I don't want to write craps here but in the end, mean nothing to it.

Golden Goals

Time to write something different.

Goals, something that I have never actually worked towards properly yet. Well I do, but sometimes I don't really have a clear goal, be it mentally or physically, mindset, studies, everything else in life. I don't wanna fix a time limit to any of these goals, but just work towards it. These aren't big big goals, but just things to keep me working for, especially the mental side. Some long term goals to determine success and achievements of my life, and some just to steer myself away from my old bad habits.

Long-term
- Independent Filmmaker. Decided that I would rather do something that I like to do. Money is secondary. I'll do my best.
- Travel around the world. England (Cambridge, London, Liverpool) and France (Lisses) are my first destinations in mind. Next comes Sydney.
- Live happily. Who would ask for more.

Mental (Training approach)
- Change my training to become lesser impact. (No doing stuffs over my limit, getting better landings, etc.)
- Prevent injuries in all cases. (Focus at all times, no doing stuffs over limit, be clear.)

- Repetitions for everything, with full focus and best attempt for each.
- Lesser duration in training, more productiveness.
- More self control, discipline. (WORK TOWARDS THESE GOALS, no excuses, procrastination. Learn from your past mistakes.)

Social (and Morals)
- Learn to respect everyone decision. Everyone opinions differs.
- Be more sociable, stop being afraid to interact. People thoughts does not matter. Its yours.
- Change myself to be a better person in whole. I want to be a person everyone likes. (Not ego.)

Physical (includes Movements, Lifting and Techniques)
- Work towards OAC and 2x Bodyweight Squats.

- Super airtime awareness. Good for flips and focus.
- Softer movements.

- Bailing techniques. Like how PhilyDee drops back into a cat, etc.
*nothing much can be said here as I definitely want to be stronger and faster, controlled, etc. overall, so there shouldnt be much specific goals (or else there'll be too much to list).

Others

- Start practicing handbalancing strictly for at least 15minutes everyday.
- Start studying, finishing homework and stop wasting time. Time spent must be productive. (Limit computer time on weekdays to 3hours or less, and 5 hours on weekends.)
- Make soon-to-be-finished documentary to be well polished piece of art.
- Start saving money, spending less. For future travels.

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I have to work towards these goals, no point writing down and not doing so.

this post will be updated.

Aussies and Trainings (update)

Update!
More training with Aussies.
I'll go through the trainings first.

Tampines Jam on Tuesday 21st.
A good number came up, did filmed some epic stuffs, and as usual, had fun. But similar to what happened 2 days before, bailed when I'm just ten minutes into the session, which is a piece of bullshit. Again, I thought. Why? Muscle memory is good that it makes your body subconsciously know what to do when you make it do. But, it makes you complacent, somehow. Ah this is so easy, just do it without preparation at all. This is good at some point, but this leads to no focus, and eventually, bails. No matter how good you are and for whatever you are doing, regardless of difficulty or state, you have to be focussed. Crazy thing was, Ish bailed almost exactly the same as me, only that my chest suffered most of the impact while Ish scrapped his arms open. Fucking rail.

It pretty much sucks to get that two days in a row, when you barely started training, knowing that you'll be stucked resting and filming, envy how the others move while you can only look. It was just lucky that my knee healed fast and soon I was back moving with the others. It makes you much more scared as you feel that you can't afford to bail again, that kind of thing.

Not sure if I had nailed anything new, considering my condition, but just found out new stuffs to do, like strides. I got a speed2speed at treegarden, and also I have some goals in mind, Kash is getting ridiculously easy. And whats worth mentioning is the progress of the newer guys like Richie and Tutu. Hope to make more jams with them, to further strengthen the bond within traceurs.

Buangkok Jam on Wednesday 22nd.
Was sick, yet again. Ish had a hangover. Regained confidence. Didn't bail - thats a plus. Nailed high element precision - similar to the one in Simei Carpark which I've built up alot of confidence over such kind of gaps. Felt that I could just do it but was just an internal conflict on whether am I pushing myself too much of what. In the end, I went for it, more of a mental challenge over a physical one, as when it comes to high elements, its all about knowing your limits, which should be something that is really clear to you. I'm pretty sure some think that its too big for me, for the main reason that the Aussies took awhile to get that, which created hype, thinking that its only for the 'pro-er' guys. First impressions.

Trained more runs this sessions, was really fun. Precisions was a test now after bailing the rail precision at Bishan. To me I thought, fuck I'm never gonna do that I again, but inside me, I know I can do it, the distance is definitely easy, but its the rail that makes it so hard (although I have done similar precisions many a times), and the height which makes it so scary, and the bail thats makes me unconfident. Hey but, what do you do when you fall? Traceurs get back up. I'll get that rail precision. I'm not gonna bail again. I bet many disapproving thoughts are out there, but I'll get it, matter of time.

Gotten sick clips too from this session. One downside - I lost my sideflip, which was seemingly y best flips of all three. It kinda sucks, I felt that the feeling is totally gone, when the day before I did one OK OK one out of nothing, but then, the next day, its gone. Its totally fucked, I really don't know why. It's like the weirdest thing that has happened. I need to find it back. And I'll need to get back to flips trainings. Impacts again.. and I thought my flips were good and improved. Still needs much work till its relatively light impact. My main goal.

After that final training session with the Aussies, I felt that I've gained training experience overall, from seeing how they train, what they had done, the sickest footage captured from my HV30, and so much fun. Might have 5 bails in 2 trainings sessions, of which, 2 was mine, but we can't always predict such misfortune, all we can do is to learn from it, something that I'm struggling to do. Never learn from my mistakes, poor self-control. They'll be coming back too, much sickness. Welcome anytime.

Today, I went to gym to finish my deloading, was which delayed for like 5 days. Ahhh I really need to get back to strength training. As exams are coming, so I have to adapt back to strength training conditions and go for the routine. I need to start studying, stop wasting time, as usual. I guessed I've said that for my past 10 blog post, including the one in my personal blog, all still just words no action. Hais.

I think I need from the heavy trainings now, sunny weather causes faster fatigue and power drainage, so I'll need to test my self control at home by training handstands, eat properly, not use the computer too much, spend time properly, do homework, take care of my health, train properly and productively, learn from my mistakes, just do 45 minutes of flips drilling or something. Won't be training so much till exams end. And I'm probably gonna work on my documentary.

Like I said.. lotsa things to be said, but it matters nothing unless you put it into real use - action speaks louder then words. Well done is better then well said. Can't be so affected by my thoughts and emotions, I have to be optimistic and learn to overcome challenges mindfully.
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Its late at night now so I'm gonna chiong this post for a bit.

Yesterday was a day that was somewhat ambivalent - both good and bad. The vibe was there, it was awesome seeing, filming and being with the Aussies and all the others. Lots of footages captured, although I felt some could be in a better angle but better then nothing.

But the bad thing was, triple bails.
Let me talk about mine first.
I thought of this rail precision that is really thin, and far, and scary, but challenging, yet possible for my standards, so I gave it a try, knowing that I could make the distance, the only hard part is to be able to land properly. Hardly knowing the consequences if I would to miss, my mind just focussed on the jumping part, thinking its all mental. Focus was there but was not enough. Exhaled and up I go in the air, and in a split second saw me fumbling, hesitated and freakout at the last millisecond where it is all crucial. I suddenly felt it would be better out falling back into a cat, but my leg slipped faster then I could react to it, landing with a huge crush on the sides of my abdominals and shins knock onto the rails. Was out of breath and in pain for awhile, but its all good now.

I thought, yet again, another bail, due to carelessness and poor focus. Damn, the aussies haven't arrived and I already bailed. That was fucked, I can't do anything for today anymore, and its only 10minutes in, for what I consider the main event of the year. Felt total crap but no matter how much I wanted to 'turn back time, I know its impossible. But was I lucky enough to not suffer any harder, more severe injuries? What was truly the cause of my bail. Is it because I'm reckless and doing the stuffs that is out of my limits? There was more to come.

Fred bail, what I thought was again due to recklessness. Luckily the bail wasn't too much a biggie. I think that day, indeed, was due to too much pushing. The German traceur was right. We have potential as a group but we aren't use it properly. We are all pushing ourselves, too harsh. There shouldn't be any rush to get it. Maybe to Anan, where he wouldn't be back to Singapore to nail that again, so he would like to push himselves abit, but we all should know our limits to a certain point. Not only limits, but understand the conseqeunces of a move, and give it due focus.

Anan bail was the worst. Tictac to Pre to Slip to Shin gash. To the bone. Kinda sucks to see it, especially from such a legend. What timing as well, in Singpaore, on the 'main event of the year'. The surgical fees were a bomb - 7.9k. I was like wtf, totally not worth it to bail and cost 8000 bucks. See how much a careless mistake could cost one. No matter how small the mistake is.

Abit ironical to me, the way I type words in my blog in all my previous posts (Conclusions upon Reflections), it all seems that I know alot, alot about training and me wanting to train towards the 'proper' direction. But it is still happening - bails, impacts, still reckless, pushing too much, etc. In the end, even though I have the knowledge, but not applying it into real life, does not serve any purpose. Knowledge applied is better then knowledge gained.
It all goes back to the source of main problems - Poor self-control. What is it that I want from all this? What does all this experiences taught me so far? Am I still gonna back down to my reckless self no matter how many signs telling me that I'm just going to fast? It is abit hard for me to change, but trust me, I want to.

Like I said many a times, every traceurs have different methologies, ideologies, approach towards Parkour and training. Lets admit it, we all prefer to be able to do the bigger stuffs, the faster stuffs, the sicker stuffs. Its all shown in the videos, bigger and bigger stuffs that we are all aiming for. But is that truly Parkour? I think I should not assume too much. We just need ample practice and good proper solid foundations before we proceed into a bigger move. There's no rush at the end of the day. No rush. Never set any time limit to your goals. Go, with the flow.

Sometimes we think too much of the fun aspect of Parkour and neglect about the possibility of bailing. We need to give focus in every move we do no matter how easy it is. Sometimes we place to much emphasis on big stuffs but don't see more to it. Whats the point of doing the big stuffs but not being able to apply it in runs and stuffs. Thats my aim, instead of focusing on big stuffs and single movements all the time, apply it to runs. But I will take my time. Safety is the main concern, long term health is the long term concern. Let's not waste anymore time. And of course, the landing in every move. Just drill on the stuffs lower then my maximum alot, get it controlled, get it strong, get it into my system, and of course built my overall focus level, air sense and confidence. PhilyDee does alot of big stuffs but with balanced fear control, control in landings (silent landings), concentration, not too big of pushing, with amazing ability to include in runs, yet super strong and fast, near flawless.

There's still another jam tomorrow which would be the final jam with the Aussies, but I seriously hope that I could just learn more from them, not just technique but the general outlook of Parkour. My life have been revolving much about this, and I do what to learn more about it, and applying it. For my whole life.

And of course I'm hoping to get nice clips. So I hope nothing goes bad tomorrow (rain, bails, more cocks). So far I have very little motivation to sort out clips in my computer, the music and all the other files. Very bored of doing such. Always playing the computer and wasting my time, still having this stupid habit. Not doing homeworks. Exams in two weeks, what now.

Have been busy jamming, two days for the filming for vasantham, and hanging out with the guys. Never get to go to gym recently. Long days, long hours, hardly any rest. So tired, but schoolwork gets in the way. Exams, around the corner, abit stress. The membership that I paid for isn't fully utilised. I need to get back into gym this Wednesday, probably starting my new routine when my exams starts, where I will be stopping movements, or only doing very light trainings. Its a 6 week routine. Things should be going fine. My injuries should be recovering by tomorrow, I wanna take it slow though. Hopefully, nothing cocks up.

Lets see what I have in store for tomorrow.